2020 in Three Words

This past year has been so unlike any other – when the world shuts down on a global scale due to a virus that causes mass fear and further divides an already polarized American political system, times are hard in general. Yet God is in it all. I know I have been carried through this year, and New Years Eve 12/31/2019 prepared me to recognize that.

At the beginning of the year, before everything changed, I was at Holy Hill to ring in the New Year with some friends with 11PM adoration and midnight mass. Beforehand, we had quite a while to chat, so we talked through some end-of-year reflection questions. The question that stood out most to me was “what three words will describe your 2020?” As I thought about it, three words came to mind: grounded, open, and moving. Grounded in my relationship with God through deeper prayer; open to new possibilities; and moving forward – taking steps outside my comfort zone to grow. I wrote them down, stuck them on my bulletin board, and looked back at them throughout the year. Boy, did God take those words and run with them!

Grounded. With the pandemic came our “safer at home” orders and the shutdown or virtualization of everything we do outside the home. For me, that meant working from my apartment and only venturing out for groceries. Never before had I been “grounded.” God has such a sense of humor! Through being “grounded” at home, I became “grounded” in prayer. Because I wasn’t commuting to work (and frankly, because I didn’t care too much how I looked each day), I had extra time in the mornings before logging into my computer to start my workday. I used that time to extend my morning prayer. I also determined a specific person to offer my day for each day and lit a candle to burn on my desk through the workday, lifting that person to God as I trudged through the seemingly endless calls. On Sundays, my roommate and I would dress up and watch Sunday mass together, trying our best to stay engaged through the TV. I also began a habit of praying and reading onto my balcony every Sunday, keeping Sunday more intentionally as a day of rest. I felt the difference. In increasing my time with Jesus and decreasing the events, activities, and distractions in my life, my prayer did indeed deepen, and I became more grounded in my identity as a beloved daughter of the Most High God than I ever had been before.

Open. Back in December of 2019, a man at my parish approached me about joining a small group he was starting, as he felt called to invite me. I told him I would think about it, but that I already felt overcommitted so maybe this wasn’t the best time. I ran into him again in January, and this time, I said yes. I wanted to be open to new ways that God could work in my life, so I was cautiously interested in learning about deliverance ministry, which was the topic of the group. Through reading and watching the Unbound program, I was able to see another side of God’s love for His people. When we discussed forgiveness, I realized where I was “stuck” and stepped farther out of my comfort zone to ask for an individual session. In this session in February, I experienced healing and insight in such an intense way. I was able to acknowledge and let go of past hurts and to vocalize forgiveness of others and of myself. I cried so much that day. There was so much freedom in letting go. One thing in particular that I let go of was my plans for my future. I gave over control and gave up the tightly-held plans and timelines of what my “perfect life” would look like. This was weeks before our “safer at home” orders began, and I know this healing was the reason I was able to roll with the punches through the lockdown. I no longer had plans for my ideal life, so changes to the plans didn’t phase me. When asked what I was feeling at the end of the session, I answered with a smile on my face, “Normalcy.” I couldn’t articulate what that word meant at the time, but it was the feeling that my heart was emptied and swept clean, “open”, that I had a Father who cared about me and was always there for me, whom I had known and felt protected by since I was a little kid. “Normalcy” to me meant being a beloved daughter of the Most High God, open to whatever the future had in store, knowing God was with me.

Moving. God had fun with this one! Not too long into 2020, my roommate and I discussed whether we should renew our lease. I loved the apartment but knew renting wasn’t the most financially responsible decision, so I started looking to buy a condo. After seven months and three rejected offers (crazy sellers’ market!), I had a good idea of what I was looking for but continued to be disappointed that the right one hadn’t come along. As I narrowed in on the area I wanted to live in, I expanded my search criteria to include houses (though I didn’t want to do yardwork or clear snow). At the same time, I gained some money I wasn’t anticipating which allowed me to increase my price range. One week after making these search adjustments, a house went on the market that was cute and in the right area and in the right price range and not too big and not too small and well-maintained and…perfect. The HOA even takes care of yardwork and snow removal. Through God’s grace, there were only three offers submitted, and after a weekend spent anxiously trying to keep my mind off of it and preparing for another disappointment, I got the call that my offer was accepted! The next month went by in a blur of paperwork, inspections, packing, and praying that everything would go smoothly. Through the hecticness and little sleep, I was frequently overcome by a feeling of joy mixed with exhaustion, doing what I could to keep on top of all the needed tasks while trusting God to carry me through. I had the sense that He had prepared this house especially for me. The previous owner, who introduced himself as a “Catholic dairy farm kid”, had never intended to sell the house but had come across an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He took great care of the place and completed many updates to it through the years. I am grateful to God for this man who put so much effort into making it a beautiful home, which I will enjoy for years to come. God’s plans are unexpected but so much better than we can imagine. The daughter of the Most High God was given a gift that exceeded expectations.

God knew what He was doing when He placed those three words on my heart on New Years Eve. He knew exactly how He intended for those words to play out in my life, amidst the pandemic and drastic changes to our everyday lives that none of us predicted. Through those words, He has shown me how actively He is involved in my life and how much He is drawing me to Himself. I’ve learned to be more grateful, as He does so much behind the scenes that we don’t realize. As the year ends and I take a last look at those three words, I have to smile and share this great joy I have experienced. I am in love with my God. He has taken the year I offered Him to focus on being grounded, open, and moving, and He has turned it into something so beautiful for the daughter of the Most High God.

What's in store for 2021? I don't know, but I trust the One who does. I already know my three words for the coming year...we'll see what He does with them!

To Love Another

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What does love really mean? We throw it around casually, saying "love ya!" in a quick text or the end of a phone call; we talk about falling in love and about loving our pets. But what is love at its core?

Jesus says that love is the most important thing we can do. The greatest commandment is to love God, and the second is to love neighbor. What it means is that this should be our most important priority. But really, do we do that day-to-day? How do we go about it?

A friend summarized the importance of other people like this: if you're sitting in front of me but there's a million dollars right next to you, you are infinitely more valuable and worthy of my attention than the money. He made a good point, and it's a thought I come back to as I'm working to prioritize love in my life. Our lives should be devoted to each other, not to possessions or thrills or passions. We were made for relationship, and we need to care enough for each other that nothing pulls our focus away.

Time spent for another is never time wasted.

How many times do you run late and a friend stops you to say hi? How do you respond? If you're like me, it's usually a quick "hey" and you keep walking fast, or maybe even, "I'm running late and can't talk." Really, that's not much better. Isn't a friend more important than walking into a meeting 20 seconds earlier? Even if it's not a friend, loving the person who is reaching out to have an encounter with you means slowing down, looking them in the eye, and giving them the attention they deserve.


What did Mother Teresa tell us?

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

And

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. 

Love does not live on words.
Love is proven in deeds.

Another way we can think about loving others is to follow the words of Luke 6:30:

Give to everyone who asks of you.

I was struck when I read this recently. There are no conditions placed on that statement, and the word "everyone" makes it pretty clear that our neighbor includes every person we encounter. Yet it seems so overwhelming to give that much. It's a verse worth pondering. We can give our time and attention, our prayers, our material possessions, and even our lives for someone else. Jesus gave a great example, it's up to us to follow.

The next time you're distracted during a conversation or running late to a meeting, take a second to notice the person in front of you, and show them even a tiny amount of love. It could brighten their day...and yours!

The High Point of Life

What would you say the high point of your life has been? Maybe it's your wedding day, or the birth of a child. Or maybe winning an award or promotion you worked hard for. Before you keep reading, take a moment to think about it and keep that event in mind.

My High Point

For me, I'd have to say the high point of life has been graduating from college. It was such an emotional day, the culmination of four years of hard work, not just with my studies but also building a life to call my own and cultivating friendships that were supportive and true.

My heart was full on my graduation day. I was ready to go out into the world and build on what I had learned. I had a job lined up far, far away, with just a few weeks to move before starting my new life.

My family was there to support me, and my parents were beaming with pride. I was also very sad to leave behind my friends and the beautiful familiarity of Duke's campus. After packing up the two cars with all my stuff, my family piled in and drove 1,000 miles away. I cried during that car ride...a lot. I clutched to my chest the stuffed animal my boyfriend had given me a few months back and let the weigh of these life changes hit me.

Graduation gave me time to reflect on how far I had come. College was tough. Classes were hard; I was far away from family and friends; new friends were good or bad influences; dance rehearsals, sorority date functions, Catholic events, and weekend parties competed for my time. All-in-all, I grew as a person. For me, graduation didn't just mean that I had completed the course requirements. It also meant I completed four years of constantly pushing myself to learn who I was and grow towards who I wanted to be. I was proud of my accomplishments and grateful for the opportunities Duke had given me.

Jesus' High Point

If we were to ask Jesus what the high point of His life was, what do you think He would say? I'd venture to guess that His answer would be His crucifixion. That day we commemorate each year on Good Friday wasn't the most pleasant...actually, it was the most excruciating. By our human standards, it would be a day we'd want to forget, not hold up as the high point of life.

So I had to ask myself what criteria really makes something a high point.

Jesus' whole life was leading up to those tough hours. The cross was the culmination of all His teaching and the fulfillment of the prophesies. It was a huge trial, one that He didn't shy away from but endured with love.

What makes me see the crucifixion as the high point is the fact that Jesus was living his God-given purpose. He showed the world love in a way no one else could. He was uniquely Himself and used His unique talents/skills/situation to serve God.

Avignon, France

Evaluating our High Point

In light of Jesus' crucifixion, I want us to take a look at our own high point. The reason my graduation was so important to me wasn't the diploma; it was the preparation for life. I had worked hard to set myself up for the future, whatever that ended up being.

My high point and Jesus' both came with trials. Breaking out of our comfort zone may bring pain and tears, but it pushes us to become more uniquely ourselves and grow towards our purpose.

I know my high point will change later in life. College graduation was just a significant stepping stone. As I work with God to understand who He created me to be, I anticipate growing towards the purpose He intended for my life and encountering trials to help me get there. Those trials will be a blessing, whether I recognize it or not. College definitely was. My future path may not be easy, but it will push me to become the person God designed me to be.

Why is the event you chose as the high point of your life? Does it tie back to your purpose? And what does that mean for your life going forward?

The Right Kind of Busy

Ask anyone nowadays how things are going, and more often than not you'll get an answer the boils down to one word: busy.

Our society today moves at a faster pace than ever before, and we feel it. We talk about it, commiserate about it, and justify our missteps with it. What bothers me, though, is that we play victim to it. Inherent in that common answer is the understanding that this world moves too fast and we're just trying to hold on.

But it's not.

We decide to be busy.

Yes, there are some instances where making ends meet means taking on more work than we feel we can handle. For most of us though, we choose to fill our days to the brim. We crave busyness as a sign of social status or maybe to distract us from confronting a hardship in life.

When others ask me how things are going, I try to respond with something other than "busy". This Lent, I've found that I'm reverting back to this bad habit as I have more scheduled events to keep track of. I cling to my calendar as if it's my lifeline. When friends asks me about myself, my mind is so wrapped up in what's coming next that I don't slow down to be present with them and give them a more thoughtful answer than "busy".

I'm working on it.

What I've come to find, though, is that I feel the overwhelmed kind of busy when what I'm doing doesn't line up with my priorities. And this is where the "right kind" of busy comes in - the intentional kind of busy.

As an example - when I stay up late to comfort a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on, I may be really tired the next day, but I don't complain about it. Instead, I have a spring in my step, knowing my presence made a difference to that friend, even if it meant sacrificing sleep. For me, the value in comforting a friend far surpasses the value in being well-rested.


If we think about our time the same way, we won't feel victimized by busyness. We won't complain that the world has a hold of us, because we're directing our time towards the things that matter. There's something peaceful about collapsing in bed at the end of the day, knowing we worked our hardest to further something we are passionate about, whether it be our own physical health, the education of the next generation, enriching the lives of the elderly or disabled, or providing for our families.

We should live our lives intentionally.

First we need to take the time to define our priorities and understand our purpose. Then, we can live our lives in a way true to that purpose. We'll be choosing to walk a path rather than allowing our lives to be swept away in the world's stream of busyness.


I challenge you: remove the word "busy" from your vocabulary and focus on directing your time towards what's important. I'll do the same.

"Empty Me"

As we begin the beautiful season of Lent, I found a song that encapsulates the sentiment of the next 40 days. It gets back to the heart of why we give up things, reach out to others, break our habits, and push ourselves to live more simply and with more focus on Christ.

This song keeps running through my head and reminding me of the need to be purified, constantly repurposing my life back to God's will.

I hope you find the song as moving as I do!

Holy Fire burn away
My desire for anything
That is not of You
And is of me
I want more of You
And less of me

1st Blogiversary!

Today marks one full year of my blog - woo hoo! To commemorate my small victory, I wanted to take some time to reflect on what I've learned through blogging my faith.

1. Blogging is hard work!
   You read these eloquently-worded posts that seem effortless, but there's really a lot that goes into it. I sometimes feel like I'm watching someone toting her baby while wearing heels with perfect makeup who brings homemade baked goods to every gathering...while I merely show up with my hair in a ponytail, sporting a sweatshirt. Blogging may come easier to some than others, but it's still a lot of work (and comparing to others isn't good). It takes time to determine an idea for a post, then put that thought into coherent sentences, find images to support it, and proofread for content. I do get to use my programming background to do a little more advanced formatting - see, parents, that education isn't going to waste! For me, a post ends up taking about two hours to create.


2. I've come to know myself and my faith better.
   Since blogging makes me encounter what's going on in my head and translate it into words, I've been able to understand where I am and where I want to be. I absolutely love spending late nights talking to friends for exactly this reason (as well as to get to know the friend better) - as I've gotten older and started sleeping more regularly, I've transitioned into other ways of pouring out my heart and learning about others. My blog has been one outlet, and I'm always excited when a friend, new or old, comments on a post or talks to me in person/e-mail/text about their thoughts on what I've written. Together we'll keep growing into better people.


3. I'm more open in sharing my faith.
   It made me laugh the other day - a friend I've known for about a year now was surprised when I told her my blog was forcing me to be more vocal about what I believe. Since we've been in a Catholic women's group together for a while, she is used to hearing me talk about my faith. I haven't always been comfortable with it though. Growing up, we didn't discuss matters of faith - we went to mass each Sunday and said a blessing before family dinners, but that was it. The first time I led a Bible study in college, I was so nervous to be in charge of the opening prayer! It was really tough to open up, and it's still something I'm working on. Writing posts makes me uncomfortable, too, but that's a good thing!


4. I tie things back to the big picture more, resulting in a more meaningful year.
   As I'm going through my day, I think a lot about what I'm encountering in terms of how I would write about it. This keeps things in perspective, makes me focus on God, and gives me a sense of how my mindset has changed over time. In management, one mantra I've heard is, "If it can't be measured, it can't be improved." By taking snapshots of where I am, I'm able to look back and somewhat quantify my spiritual growth. There have been substantial changes since I started this blog. I'm happy with who I've become this year, but I know there's a lot of growth ahead!

It has been a really good year for me spiritually, and as I review my original purpose in writing, I'm renewing that same objective as I move forward. I'm excited to see where God takes my life!


I'll leave you with a few of my modest stats as my own benchmark of where I am. Numbers aren't really my purpose - it's the quality of the interaction that matters to me, but here they are anyway.

• 920 total pageviews (it may break 1000 this month!)
• 34 published posts
• 4 followers (6 months ago there was 1)
• 6 e-mail subscribers (6 months ago there was 1)
• 252 pageviews already for February (highest month by far)
• 35 views of my top post - Single, and Loving It (6 months ago it was 12 for Aggie Catholics)

I look forward to more great interactions, both online and off. With that, taken from Archbishop Fulton Sheen...

Bye now! God love you!

"Break our hearts for what breaks Yours"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 8/17/12 during Adoration)

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners,
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours

We constantly strive to know and do Your will - we fail, but we keep trying.

There are so many sins in this world, and they should appall us and throw us into more fervent prayer. 

We love all creatures, but we can't tolerate the failings of ourselves or others - we must make amends and ask for forgiveness. 

We must speak out for what we believe and not hide from the pointing fingers and ridicule of society, for we know the Truth, and we know the Truth will lead us to You.

You have given us everything - sacrificing Your own life so that we may be saved from our failings in this world. Move use to challenge ourselves and those around us to accept You and receive the love You are constantly showering upon us.

Help us as we lift each other up to You. Our missions are all different but are directed towards the same goal - to serve You and show Your love to all those around us.

You've given us such an example in Mary, who completely surrendered her will to Yours and underwent so much suffering, yet she never turned away from You. We must direct our lives to the service of Your ends and not waver from the calls You have placed in our hearts.

Help us to still our minds enough to listen to You whispering to us. We find it increasingly difficult as the speed of our lives increases.

We need to remember our reason for being.

The Gift of Tears

I've found myself crying, or near tears, a lot more often recently. But these aren't normal tears - they aren't tears of self-pity or sadness or joy for something happening in my life. They have to do with the transformation going on inside of me. These days, I can't even get through mass without tearing up.

Friday evening, driving home from work, I was reflecting on Jesus' passion. All of a sudden, I was sobbing, moved by how much He must have loved us, even in the midst of our darkest hour - condemning and killing our Savior. It's something I've thought about before, but that night, it hit me hard. I wanted to make it up to Him, but my whole life's work is not even enough. I was reminded of Mother Teresa's vow to refuse nothing to Christ. Really, isn't that the only acceptable response?

This isn't the first time I've been overcome to the point of tears...

I distinctly remember a moment from my confirmation retreat in 8th grade. We were spread out throughout the dimly-lit cathedral, praying individually. The retreat leaders came around to each of us, asked what we'd like to pray for, and then joined us in prayer for a few minutes. When my turn came, I burst into tears. I was overwhelmed by two things:

1. As we entered the cathedral for this quiet prayer time, we were handed a small sheet of paper with a letter typed out - something like this (I wish I could find the actual one!). The "letter" was written from Jesus, explaining how much He loves us individually and wants to be with us, even though He reaches out to us a million times and we don't respond.
2. This stranger wanted to pray for MY intentions. She had never met me before, but she took the time to ask, "What can I pray for?", and then sat with me and prayed for me, for my family, and I don't know what else. To tell the truth, I was so overcome that I couldn't think of anything specific to ask her to pray about!

This was my first real encounter with both Jesus' unique love for me, as described in the letter, and another's openness to pray with and for me. By offering to pray for me, she showed me what Christ's love looks like. It was beautiful! ...and more than I could handle.

Two more teary-eyed moments were during retreats in college (the Awakening retreat I talked about in my post on Aggie Catholics). My freshman year, I was overcome by the sacrifice of the students running the retreat - giving up their weekend to be there for us and welcoming us where we were, with open arms. After the initial excitement of the retreat, we had time for confession and quiet reflection. The only light in the room came from the candles we set in the shape of a cross. I once again saw Jesus' love poured out through others.

The other time, I was a sophomore, giving a talk during the retreat. The support I got from the other students, in hand-written notes, small gifts, and a group prayer over me before I spoke really did me in. They showered me with thoughts and prayers, again revealing the depths of Jesus' love. (I'll post my talk some other time!)

These moments were some of the most poignant of my faith journey. They occurred when I was being transformed, renewing my dedication to know, love, and serve God. I've always had a relationship with God the Father, but I tend to keep Jesus at a distance. I can't fathom how much He endured, and sometimes I don't feel like our salvation was worth it.

But in these moments that bring me to tears, I can't escape His love. He chose to die for us, freely. That's a gift I'm trying to accept. As much as I don't like crying, I'm drawn to these encounters, both feeling Christ's love through others and being Christ to others. I can't back away, because I'd really be missing out. My tears mean I'm growing in love.

So...hi Jesus, and thank You!

St. John Lateran - Rome, Italy

Anticipating and Preparing...

Happy New Liturgical Year!!

Today marks the beginning of Advent - a great season, and not just because the liturgical color is purple. Advent is a time of anticipating Jesus' coming - both His first coming 2,000 years ago which we relive each year, and His second coming when the earth and time cease to exist.

Let's not let Christmas overtake Advent. Christmas has its own time. The anticipation, the waiting, the hoping, the preparation - that's what makes Advent special. By jumping straight to Christmas, we miss that build-up and the reflection on what we need to do to ready ourselves for Christ.

We have a lot to prepare before Christmas - decorating, buying gifts, arranging travel plans, cooking, and the list goes on. And while these can be good things, they can also distract us from the more important preparation: readying our souls to meet Christ.

I love these short, dedicated seasons where we can make a conscious effort to go beyond our normal self and grow closer to God. In short bursts of effort, it's easy to form good habits, especially when the underlying reason for them is to deepen faith. For the 40 Days for Life that occurred throughout October, I committed myself to saying a daily rosary. After a breakup this summer, I told God I wouldn't think of dating another guy for 40 days. Both of these commitments have strengthened my relationship with Christ and brought me closer to the person I want to be.

40 days seems to be the perfect length of time for a dedicated effort. It's long enough to be difficult but short enough that it's still energizing and do-able. 40 days doesn't feel so overwhelming (like with a New Year's Resolution), so it's easier to stick with. And it forms habits.

For Advent this year, I'm undertaking the St. Andrew Christmas Novena which started yesterday. I'm praying this 26-day prayer to understand my vocation. Whether I arrive at Christmas with a definite answer on my calling or not, I'll be a better person for the reflection and devotion. I'm excited to spend my Advent longing for a more perfect union with Christ.

So let's look forward to Christmas, joyfully anticipating, preparing, and waiting for Jesus' birth in this season of Advent.

Mall of America

Complex Moral Formulas

While pursuing an engineer degree, I took a lot of courses where we derived mathematical formulas. We took simple pieces of information that we knew were true and put them together in a new way that revealed a new fact. Looking at this complicated formula on its own, you couldn't intuitively tell it was true. We only knew for sure because we had just spent half an hour stepping through it logically.

Once we established the formula, we then used it to solve complicated problems. These formulas became the basic building blocks upon which we learned more and more complex information. They helped us to understand the world better and then to take the next step and make the world better, through new inventions, more efficient systems, better designs, and whole new fields of study. This is the role of the engineer: to creatively apply current knowledge to new situations, improving the world as we go.

As we continued in our studies, we took for granted the formulas we were using. We relied on them heavily but didn't give a second thought to their validity. The improvements we were able to make wouldn't have been possible without them, and yet we didn't pay much attention to where they originated.

Aren't the formulas of our faith the same way?

We know what the Church says about lots of moral topics, our formulas or "rules" of our faith. But where did they originate?

Deep thought has been put into each moral area, all originating from simple truths that we can understand. Over centuries, many people have thought through these truths, building upon them to come up with the moral standards that we live by (or know the Church says and yet choose not to live by). Understanding the background and basic facts that go into these teachings help give meaning to the formulas.

For example:

• All human being have dignity and worth.
• Depriving an innocent person of life is a crime against their dignity and worth.
• A new person comes into existence at the time of conception, when they possess a soul and all the genetic material needed to be an individual.

These simple statements were considered together and resulted in the Church's teaching that abortion is wrong. The Church will not waiver because the facts combine logically to give us this formula.

Taking a step back to consider the thought and logic that went into each complex teaching, we can come to understand the formulas better. Once we internalize them, along with their derivation, we can use them with increased appreciation, sharing the Church's truths with more conviction. We will not only understand our faith better, but also make our faith stronger and the world better. We can apply these truths to the situations around us, leaving the world a better place.

We can all be engineers for the Church.

Management to Motherhood: Introduction

Ultimately, I feel I am called to motherhood, but I'm still a long way from it! I've always been ambitious and ready to move on to the next stage of life: in sixth grade, I was ready for high school; junior year of high school, I was ready for college; junior year of college, I was ready to be married. I'm not sure I was actually ready, but I had a strong desire to leave behind the current situation and embark on a new journey with new challenges.

My past ambitions have just required more time before they inevitably happened, but that marriage thing still eludes me. Instead (out of necessity and a refusal to be supported by my parents who had already done so much for me) I got a job and have shifted my ambitions towards something I can more directly control: my career.

Although I never really wanted to be a working woman, it does have its benefits:

1. I get to use the problem-solving skills from my years of schooling. My parents paid lots of money (and I ended up with lots of debt) to give me a top-notch education. Without an outlet to employ those skills (ha! literally), all the years, hard work, and expenses wouldn't amount to much.
2. I contribute to the greater good of society. It's satisfying to see my effort pay off in improving the efficiencies of my team and my company as well as contributing to the success, happiness, and relationship of the clients with whom I directly interact. I never intended to impact an organization, as the contribution I've wanted to make was along the lines of raising kids who would improve the world, but it has been a fulfilling detour.
3. I get paid! Having a paycheck every month and job security in a growing industry gives me the freedom to live comfortably and without worry. I paid back the above-mentioned debt (something I considered my responsibility and not that of my future husband). My thoughts have turned towards questions like, "Which causes do I want to support?", "How do I effectively tithe?", "How much do I put away for retirement?", "What can I do for my friends?", and "What trips/adventures are up next?". (If  you have thoughts on any of these, send them my way!)
4. I bill my university for the work I do now. (This is a small satisfaction, but a satisfaction none-the-less.) One of my clients is my alma mater, so each month they get an invoice for my help. After spending so much money going to school there, I enjoy seeing them contribute to my salary now, even though I live a thousand miles away. We may just come out even one day! (Side note: I really enjoyed my time in school and am appreciative of all the learning and opportunities while I was there. I don't have a vendetta of any sort. From a purely financial standpoint, it was just a lot of money!)
5. I get to travel the country for free. Business trips take me to many locations: some exciting, others mundane. My favorite series of trips was to Hawaii, Alaska, and Las Vegas within a three-month period. I have seen cultural stereotypes first-hand (a fun experience for me) and have gotten a chance to catch up with friends scattered across the states. Most recently, trips to New York and DC have included work-free weekends spent in the company of holy women who I am honored to call my close friends. Work travel gives me an excuse to visit friends I otherwise may not have the time to see.
6. I learn new things all the time. Through my interactions with smart and knowledgeable people, I've encountered so many new concepts that have challenged me to become a better professional, a better person, and a better world-citizen. I've taken an interest in various business topics, have read numerous books and articles on wide-ranging subjects, and have analyzed how others' experiences could improve my immediate surroundings.
7. Management prepares me for motherhood (or so I hope). I manage five employees, who I think of as my "kids". They all came straight out of college, so I do a lot of initial expectation-setting in the working world. I help set their direction, find their passion, build their discipline, and put them on a path to make good decisions, much as I see mothers do for their own children. Management has its ups and downs, as I am passionate about mentoring others to grow them into their best selves and I also feel their pain as they struggle. There are great rewards when I can sit back and watch what they accomplish on their own after working closely with them over a year or two.

This last benefit, which I'm calling the concept of "Management to Motherhood", is the part of my career that I want to analyze, share, hear thoughts from others, and remember later in life. I've always heard you're never really ready to be a mother, but I'm going to do what I can to prepare myself through today's lessons. To that end, I'll be writing new posts about my adventures with team members and analyzing how they relate to motherhood. Ideally, I'd have a separate thread of these posts, but I haven't figured out how to separate/catalog them without creating a whole new blog. If you have ideas, let me know!

In the spirit of sharing insight, I found this blog post to be a positive influence on my outlook for the "not-yet married" life. Enjoy! Single, Satisfied, and Sent: Mission for the Not-Yet Married

"Step By Step"

Step by step, You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

I got to attend a parish mission talk tonight, the end of a three-day event. There were lots of good points made, but the one that really stuck with me didn't have much to do with the speaker's main objective. His topic was tithing, wealth, and giving, and I took a lot from his comments on the culture's lack of giving and how debt keeps us from giving.

What got me thinking was a small comment he made, about taking one step at a time towards God. I have such grand plans in my head for what will become of my life in the future, but right now I don't have the means to get there. I keep waiting until barriers are removed so I can finally start living for a purpose.

What I forget, though, is that life happens now. My plans may never work out, even if I feel they are my calling and purpose. What I'm doing now is who I am in God's eyes and in the eyes of those around me. I can't wait until the stars align - I've gotta live today and become the person I was meant to be, even if I can't fulfill the purpose that is on my heart.

So no more waiting. It's time to take one step at a time, not worrying about how each step furthers my "purpose" but keeping in mind how they will bring me closer to God and to who He wants me to be. I know those steps will lead me where I'm supposed to be, and really, following that path will ultimately lead to a deeper joy than I could have imagined for myself.

A quote from tonight that made me smile was

God loves you just the way you are...and He loves you too much to let you stay that way.

There's always more to do in our quest towards heaven. God keeps talking to us and pushing us; we just have to give in and follow along.

Good luck with your steps! Keep in mind: the view from the top has got to be spectacular, but you can only get there one step at a time.

Bell tower climb at Holy Hill - Hubertus, Wisconsin

"Holiness is what I long for"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 1/25/10 during Adoration)

Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom

These words keep repeating over and over in my head. The phrase/plea captures the unworthiness of self and the reliance on God's mercy. The other phrase/lyrics that keeps running through my head is

Holiness is what I long for; holiness is what I need.
Holiness is what You want from me.

We are called to become perfect like Christ, even though we will never attain perfection. Although this should seem hopeless and disheartening, to know that others have been striving for the same thing, succeeding as much as humanly possible, and providing an example to follow is invigorating. If the saints could do it, why can't I?

This could mean changing a lot in my daily life, but what do I lose by it? Maybe some "fun" times with friends, but that is only momentary and not usually fulfilling. To know my friends better and help them out when they are struggling would provide so  much more joy than enjoying an evening where my heart tells me I'm not being me.

I want to know You and see You in the face of others. I cannot be perfect, but I can desperately try to become like You every minute of the day. At one point I began writing down things I had done for others each day, and I hope I can do that again. It gave me such a sense of peace to know I could touch someone else and make his/her day a little brighter.

I need to love without restraint, without regard to consequences or pain; to accept others and love them as they are, for who God made them to be. Their flaws were intentional. If God loves them anyway, why can't I? God, surround me with people who will help me on my journey, who will be supportive yet resolute, and who will hold me accountable.

Sadly, I can't always push myself, but that's why this journey was not meant to be taken alone. Without a community, faith struggles and new ideas are difficult to come by. On the other hand, blindly listening to a group can also be a hindrance to faith. Differing opinions are essential to a healthy and growing faith. I want to be like the phrase I have heard before:

Be in the world but not of the world.

I want to relate to all people, regardless of background, religious practice, or values. It may be difficult to accept these things, but I will continue to strive for it. The saints are such a source of inspiration, and I should read more about their works and lives.

Jesus, make me Your Hands - doing Your work in the world. Help me to find peace and share it with those around me every day, taking the time to reflect and recenter so I can continue going on whatever path You have set out for me. Your will be done.

Introduction and Purpose

I've done a lot of reading recently and consequently have been considering what I'm doing in life that is meaningful. After reading about Viktor Frankl (article here) as well as finishing the last chapter of Style, Sex, & Substance (written by Catholic women bloggers), I got to thinking about creating my own blog. I've kept a prayer journal off and on in the past few years, and although the pages are full of my most private musings, I'm starting to think they should be accessible to others. Mostly, I want to give food for thought to my group of Catholic women who sustain me and who already know me better than most. If others read this and find inspiration, I will be overjoyed that the faith I've been given has made a difference to someone else.

Meaning. I know life's purpose is "to know God, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world and to be happy forever with Him in the next". Yes, that is directly from the criticized Baltimore Catechism, but it really sums things up well and provides an easy phrase to remember and refer back to. I may be a cradle Catholic, but I didn't learn from the Baltimore Catechism growing up. I still find value in the truths it contains, even if the methods were questioned. So there's a clear purpose to life, but it can be difficult to translate that into career choices, daily chores, and every day decisions.

One quote that has been sticking in my mind recently is from C.S. Lewis:

How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been; how gloriously different are the saints.

 In our quest for purpose, the saints provide examples but not a step-by-step guide to life. They each carried out different missions and bettered the world using their unique talents. It sounds like there's a clearly laid out path to becoming a tyrant (I wouldn't try it though!)...it's much more difficult to determine how to be a saint. We're left to our own devices to figure out how our uniqueness can be used to further life's purpose. No two people were created to do the same work; we each have a role to play, and it's up to each of us to fulfill our own destiny...with help from others along the way!