2020 in Three Words

This past year has been so unlike any other – when the world shuts down on a global scale due to a virus that causes mass fear and further divides an already polarized American political system, times are hard in general. Yet God is in it all. I know I have been carried through this year, and New Years Eve 12/31/2019 prepared me to recognize that.

At the beginning of the year, before everything changed, I was at Holy Hill to ring in the New Year with some friends with 11PM adoration and midnight mass. Beforehand, we had quite a while to chat, so we talked through some end-of-year reflection questions. The question that stood out most to me was “what three words will describe your 2020?” As I thought about it, three words came to mind: grounded, open, and moving. Grounded in my relationship with God through deeper prayer; open to new possibilities; and moving forward – taking steps outside my comfort zone to grow. I wrote them down, stuck them on my bulletin board, and looked back at them throughout the year. Boy, did God take those words and run with them!

Grounded. With the pandemic came our “safer at home” orders and the shutdown or virtualization of everything we do outside the home. For me, that meant working from my apartment and only venturing out for groceries. Never before had I been “grounded.” God has such a sense of humor! Through being “grounded” at home, I became “grounded” in prayer. Because I wasn’t commuting to work (and frankly, because I didn’t care too much how I looked each day), I had extra time in the mornings before logging into my computer to start my workday. I used that time to extend my morning prayer. I also determined a specific person to offer my day for each day and lit a candle to burn on my desk through the workday, lifting that person to God as I trudged through the seemingly endless calls. On Sundays, my roommate and I would dress up and watch Sunday mass together, trying our best to stay engaged through the TV. I also began a habit of praying and reading onto my balcony every Sunday, keeping Sunday more intentionally as a day of rest. I felt the difference. In increasing my time with Jesus and decreasing the events, activities, and distractions in my life, my prayer did indeed deepen, and I became more grounded in my identity as a beloved daughter of the Most High God than I ever had been before.

Open. Back in December of 2019, a man at my parish approached me about joining a small group he was starting, as he felt called to invite me. I told him I would think about it, but that I already felt overcommitted so maybe this wasn’t the best time. I ran into him again in January, and this time, I said yes. I wanted to be open to new ways that God could work in my life, so I was cautiously interested in learning about deliverance ministry, which was the topic of the group. Through reading and watching the Unbound program, I was able to see another side of God’s love for His people. When we discussed forgiveness, I realized where I was “stuck” and stepped farther out of my comfort zone to ask for an individual session. In this session in February, I experienced healing and insight in such an intense way. I was able to acknowledge and let go of past hurts and to vocalize forgiveness of others and of myself. I cried so much that day. There was so much freedom in letting go. One thing in particular that I let go of was my plans for my future. I gave over control and gave up the tightly-held plans and timelines of what my “perfect life” would look like. This was weeks before our “safer at home” orders began, and I know this healing was the reason I was able to roll with the punches through the lockdown. I no longer had plans for my ideal life, so changes to the plans didn’t phase me. When asked what I was feeling at the end of the session, I answered with a smile on my face, “Normalcy.” I couldn’t articulate what that word meant at the time, but it was the feeling that my heart was emptied and swept clean, “open”, that I had a Father who cared about me and was always there for me, whom I had known and felt protected by since I was a little kid. “Normalcy” to me meant being a beloved daughter of the Most High God, open to whatever the future had in store, knowing God was with me.

Moving. God had fun with this one! Not too long into 2020, my roommate and I discussed whether we should renew our lease. I loved the apartment but knew renting wasn’t the most financially responsible decision, so I started looking to buy a condo. After seven months and three rejected offers (crazy sellers’ market!), I had a good idea of what I was looking for but continued to be disappointed that the right one hadn’t come along. As I narrowed in on the area I wanted to live in, I expanded my search criteria to include houses (though I didn’t want to do yardwork or clear snow). At the same time, I gained some money I wasn’t anticipating which allowed me to increase my price range. One week after making these search adjustments, a house went on the market that was cute and in the right area and in the right price range and not too big and not too small and well-maintained and…perfect. The HOA even takes care of yardwork and snow removal. Through God’s grace, there were only three offers submitted, and after a weekend spent anxiously trying to keep my mind off of it and preparing for another disappointment, I got the call that my offer was accepted! The next month went by in a blur of paperwork, inspections, packing, and praying that everything would go smoothly. Through the hecticness and little sleep, I was frequently overcome by a feeling of joy mixed with exhaustion, doing what I could to keep on top of all the needed tasks while trusting God to carry me through. I had the sense that He had prepared this house especially for me. The previous owner, who introduced himself as a “Catholic dairy farm kid”, had never intended to sell the house but had come across an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He took great care of the place and completed many updates to it through the years. I am grateful to God for this man who put so much effort into making it a beautiful home, which I will enjoy for years to come. God’s plans are unexpected but so much better than we can imagine. The daughter of the Most High God was given a gift that exceeded expectations.

God knew what He was doing when He placed those three words on my heart on New Years Eve. He knew exactly how He intended for those words to play out in my life, amidst the pandemic and drastic changes to our everyday lives that none of us predicted. Through those words, He has shown me how actively He is involved in my life and how much He is drawing me to Himself. I’ve learned to be more grateful, as He does so much behind the scenes that we don’t realize. As the year ends and I take a last look at those three words, I have to smile and share this great joy I have experienced. I am in love with my God. He has taken the year I offered Him to focus on being grounded, open, and moving, and He has turned it into something so beautiful for the daughter of the Most High God.

What's in store for 2021? I don't know, but I trust the One who does. I already know my three words for the coming year...we'll see what He does with them!

The High Point of Life

What would you say the high point of your life has been? Maybe it's your wedding day, or the birth of a child. Or maybe winning an award or promotion you worked hard for. Before you keep reading, take a moment to think about it and keep that event in mind.

My High Point

For me, I'd have to say the high point of life has been graduating from college. It was such an emotional day, the culmination of four years of hard work, not just with my studies but also building a life to call my own and cultivating friendships that were supportive and true.

My heart was full on my graduation day. I was ready to go out into the world and build on what I had learned. I had a job lined up far, far away, with just a few weeks to move before starting my new life.

My family was there to support me, and my parents were beaming with pride. I was also very sad to leave behind my friends and the beautiful familiarity of Duke's campus. After packing up the two cars with all my stuff, my family piled in and drove 1,000 miles away. I cried during that car ride...a lot. I clutched to my chest the stuffed animal my boyfriend had given me a few months back and let the weigh of these life changes hit me.

Graduation gave me time to reflect on how far I had come. College was tough. Classes were hard; I was far away from family and friends; new friends were good or bad influences; dance rehearsals, sorority date functions, Catholic events, and weekend parties competed for my time. All-in-all, I grew as a person. For me, graduation didn't just mean that I had completed the course requirements. It also meant I completed four years of constantly pushing myself to learn who I was and grow towards who I wanted to be. I was proud of my accomplishments and grateful for the opportunities Duke had given me.

Jesus' High Point

If we were to ask Jesus what the high point of His life was, what do you think He would say? I'd venture to guess that His answer would be His crucifixion. That day we commemorate each year on Good Friday wasn't the most pleasant...actually, it was the most excruciating. By our human standards, it would be a day we'd want to forget, not hold up as the high point of life.

So I had to ask myself what criteria really makes something a high point.

Jesus' whole life was leading up to those tough hours. The cross was the culmination of all His teaching and the fulfillment of the prophesies. It was a huge trial, one that He didn't shy away from but endured with love.

What makes me see the crucifixion as the high point is the fact that Jesus was living his God-given purpose. He showed the world love in a way no one else could. He was uniquely Himself and used His unique talents/skills/situation to serve God.

Avignon, France

Evaluating our High Point

In light of Jesus' crucifixion, I want us to take a look at our own high point. The reason my graduation was so important to me wasn't the diploma; it was the preparation for life. I had worked hard to set myself up for the future, whatever that ended up being.

My high point and Jesus' both came with trials. Breaking out of our comfort zone may bring pain and tears, but it pushes us to become more uniquely ourselves and grow towards our purpose.

I know my high point will change later in life. College graduation was just a significant stepping stone. As I work with God to understand who He created me to be, I anticipate growing towards the purpose He intended for my life and encountering trials to help me get there. Those trials will be a blessing, whether I recognize it or not. College definitely was. My future path may not be easy, but it will push me to become the person God designed me to be.

Why is the event you chose as the high point of your life? Does it tie back to your purpose? And what does that mean for your life going forward?

The Right Kind of Busy

Ask anyone nowadays how things are going, and more often than not you'll get an answer the boils down to one word: busy.

Our society today moves at a faster pace than ever before, and we feel it. We talk about it, commiserate about it, and justify our missteps with it. What bothers me, though, is that we play victim to it. Inherent in that common answer is the understanding that this world moves too fast and we're just trying to hold on.

But it's not.

We decide to be busy.

Yes, there are some instances where making ends meet means taking on more work than we feel we can handle. For most of us though, we choose to fill our days to the brim. We crave busyness as a sign of social status or maybe to distract us from confronting a hardship in life.

When others ask me how things are going, I try to respond with something other than "busy". This Lent, I've found that I'm reverting back to this bad habit as I have more scheduled events to keep track of. I cling to my calendar as if it's my lifeline. When friends asks me about myself, my mind is so wrapped up in what's coming next that I don't slow down to be present with them and give them a more thoughtful answer than "busy".

I'm working on it.

What I've come to find, though, is that I feel the overwhelmed kind of busy when what I'm doing doesn't line up with my priorities. And this is where the "right kind" of busy comes in - the intentional kind of busy.

As an example - when I stay up late to comfort a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on, I may be really tired the next day, but I don't complain about it. Instead, I have a spring in my step, knowing my presence made a difference to that friend, even if it meant sacrificing sleep. For me, the value in comforting a friend far surpasses the value in being well-rested.


If we think about our time the same way, we won't feel victimized by busyness. We won't complain that the world has a hold of us, because we're directing our time towards the things that matter. There's something peaceful about collapsing in bed at the end of the day, knowing we worked our hardest to further something we are passionate about, whether it be our own physical health, the education of the next generation, enriching the lives of the elderly or disabled, or providing for our families.

We should live our lives intentionally.

First we need to take the time to define our priorities and understand our purpose. Then, we can live our lives in a way true to that purpose. We'll be choosing to walk a path rather than allowing our lives to be swept away in the world's stream of busyness.


I challenge you: remove the word "busy" from your vocabulary and focus on directing your time towards what's important. I'll do the same.

"Empty Me"

As we begin the beautiful season of Lent, I found a song that encapsulates the sentiment of the next 40 days. It gets back to the heart of why we give up things, reach out to others, break our habits, and push ourselves to live more simply and with more focus on Christ.

This song keeps running through my head and reminding me of the need to be purified, constantly repurposing my life back to God's will.

I hope you find the song as moving as I do!

Holy Fire burn away
My desire for anything
That is not of You
And is of me
I want more of You
And less of me

Date Night with St. Therese

I promised St. Therese that tonight would be our catch-up night. I've almost finished her book, The Story of a Soul, but I haven't made progress in the past two weeks. I keep getting pulled away to do other things, so the book has been sitting all alone on my bedside table, in my purse, and on the front seat of my car as I rush off to work, church events, dinner, ballroom class, and bed! I take it with me in case I get a free moment, but apparently the past two weeks have flown by.

That's what happens with friends, too, right? We get caught up in the busy-ness of life, and we don't take a second to call a friend, schedule a coffee date, or just send a text to say hi.

But tonight, I'm setting aside cooking dinner, putting away the Christmas tree (yes, yes, I know I'm very behind!), and finishing a crochet project to spend time with someone I'm privileged to know. She has been a great inspiration to me over the past three months as I've read her story and watched and re-watched the 2004 movie about her life.

St. Therese statue in France

St. Therese is such a beautiful person - so sincere and so deeply committed to Jesus. I highly recommend reading The Story of a Soul! You can even find the full text for free online - http://www.storyofasoul.com/. Unlike similar books that I've read, hers is easy to follow and doesn't require re-reading paragraphs to fully comprehend what she's saying. Her writing is simple yet moving.

I'll leave you with a quote that I held onto the other day. Then, I'm blocking off my time to catch up with St. Therese!

Oh! I feel more than ever that Jesus is thirsty. He meets only ungrateful and indifferent people among the disciples of the world, and among His own disciples, He finds, alas! few hearts that give themselves to Him without reserve, who understand all the tenderness of His infinite Love.

Meditation: A Valuable Practice

Meditation has been the best addition I've made to my spiritual life in a long time! At the suggestion of a Sister, I started to set aside 20 minutes a day to focus on Jesus' life through the gospels. As I've mentioned before, Jesus is the one person in the Trinity that I'm hesitant around. I thought this would be a great opportunity to tackle my hesitation head-on, freeing myself to encounter Him without reservation.

At first, this meditation was just another thing added to my ever-lengthening nightly routine. Wash face, brush teeth, exercise quickly, say prayers, MEDITATE. Some nights I'm better at planning ahead and leaving enough time for this new addition than others, but nevertheless, I hold those 20 minutes, even if it cuts into my sleep.

Now that it has become habit, I've started to notice the ways it's impacting my life. They may be subtle and seemingly inconsequential, but I can sense a bigger movement in my life that's happening with these small steps.

1. I'm learning the Bible! It's often joked that Protestants know the Bible backwards and forwards, but Catholics barely open it. I've got to say...although I've theoretically heard the whole Bible every three years from Sunday masses, sitting down with a Bible gives a lot more context that I've been missing.
2. It's breaking me of my Type A personality. I'm a person of planning and achieving, as efficiently as possible. But with these 20 minutes, I may only get through 10 verses! Stopping to reflect and really read with the intent to understand the context, imagine the scene, and apply it to my life has helped to slow me down. I've begun to realize the importance of the things I'm doing instead of rushing to accomplish them and move on.
3. I'm less attached to "stuff". With a renewed focus on what's important, my desire for possessions has declined. It was nothing to let my parents take my bed when they came to visit. I gave a friend a wedding planning book that I was excited to look through someday. I donated four bags of clothes to St. Vincent de Paul. I've cut down on the time I spend playing Candy Crush. I even let go of one of my crochet projects, which I'm always very proud of and unnecessarily attached to. But the thing is, none of it mattered to me. I was happy to do it - I mean actually happy, not begrudgingly happy.
4. I'm open to listening. Although this started before my practice of meditation, the daily routine is further deepening my desire to do God's will, not my own. Starting out the 20 minutes by acknowledging God's presence and requesting the help of the saints humbles me and reminds me that I'm part of this larger community and a larger plan. I ask that I can play my role to the best of my ability.
5. I carry God with me more actively. In my interactions with others, at work, driving, in the shower, my thoughts turn to God more frequently. What's the opposite of "Out of sight, out of mind"? Because that's what I'm experiencing. Getting to know Jesus makes me more aware of His presence and more comfortable talking to Him.

I don't know where this spiritual growth is leading, but I'm looking forward to it! I highly recommend trying it yourself to see how your life changes.

I'll end with a song, since I haven't included one in a while. This one is so simple and raw - it's one of my favorites during Adoration or after communion.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus
Truly present in the Holy Eucharist
I place all my trust in You

21 Spiritual Retreat Questions

Happy New Year!

Happy Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God!

I had a beautifully different New Years this year. Instead of parties with friends, fun drinks, and a TV turned to (the rerun of) the ball dropping in Times Square, I spent the night at a Marian Shrine with a friend. We went to Adoration at 11PM, then participated in mass at midnight. The rest of the day we engaged in prayer and conversation.

Like I said - beautiful. We each wanted to spend some time away for different reasons. Although it wasn't my intention, I'm beginning the new year with a plenary indulgence! How's that for starting out on the right foot?!

In our conversations, my friend and I made a list of retreat-type questions that we thought would fuel good thought and prayer. After completing the list and reflecting on it, we both picked out the question that was hardest for us to answer and focused on that area throughout our "mini-retreat". I feel it was spiritually fruitful for both of us!

Without further ado...here's the list of 21 questions! Use them for your own mini-retreat, even if that just means hiding in a quiet space in your home for a few minutes.

1. What was the highlight of 2013? What word will define your 2014?
2. What would God view as your biggest accomplishment?
3. What's the key area you want to improve in your life? What proactive steps can you take towards it?
4. What are you grateful for?
5. Who are you grateful for? Have you told them?
6. What topic are you avoiding talking about with God?
7. Who has influenced you in your faith? Who are you influencing?
8. Who is your role model in faith? How can you be more like him/her?
9. When is it easy to trust God? When is it more difficult?
10. How does God want you to improve your prayer life?
11. How do you maintain active participation in mass?
12. What's your biggest hurdle to loving God? How can you start to overcome it?
13. Would others say your actions are an extension of God's love?
14. Do you turn to prayer in times of desolation AND consolation?
15. How can you grow closer to God this year? (ie. focus on increasing your faith, hope, or love?)
16. Loving and serving God comes only after knowing Him. How can you deepen your understanding of God?
17. Who can you purposefully be Christ for? How?
18. What visible reminders do you have of your faith?
19. "He is always with you, be always with Him." How?
20. How do you show mercy?
21. What are your top three priorities? Do you spend your time accordingly?

St. Thérèse of Lisieux (who is making her way into my life), pray for us!

My Mother, My Inspiration

My parents left to drive home yesterday, after a relaxing Christmas full of quick-witted humor, good food, and a beautiful Christmas Eve mass. What really struck me, though, was my mother's dedication. This isn't new - every time I spend time with her, I realize how much the family is her top priority. Some examples:

• Weeks before the trip, she asked my brother and me multiple times what recipes she should bring. She wanted to make us our favorites and to plan ahead in case she needed to bring specific ingredients or cooking utensils.
• She brought me my favorite local marinara sauce, without me asking :)
• She said she would change the sheets on my bed both before and after my parents stayed in it.
• She spent hours in the grocery store and my kitchen, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner by herself, while serving the rest of us cheese, crackers, and apples to temporarily curb our hunger.
• After each meal, she went about cleaning dishes and putting leftovers away, without so much as a chiding remark for us to help her. (I did help out! I didn't want her to be in the kitchen by herself while the rest of the family spent time together.)
• She did laundry while on vacation. If that doesn't show discipline and dedication, I don't know what does!

Needless to say, I love my mother's dedication. She really took on the role of wife and mother wholeheartedly 30 years ago and continues to this day. I only hope that I can put my whole self into something and dedicate the rest of my life to it.

I don't know that I'll ever fill her shoes!

So while I'm inspired by her dedication and have a few days left before returning to work, I thought I'd imitate her just a little. Yesterday, I cleaned the house, changed the sheets on my bed, did three loads of laundry, and picked up the mess that was my post-Christmas apartment :)

Last night I looked through one of my cookbooks, picked out four recipes, and wrote down the ingredients I needed. This morning after mass, I braved the grocery store! (If you don't know, I absolutely HATE grocery shopping, and I don't like cooking either.) I made chicken stir fry for my brother and me for lunch, then put pork chops and cornbread stuffing in the crock pot to be ready for dinner tonight! (AND got all the dishes done!) My hope is that leftovers will last me most of the week, then I'll tackle the other two recipes.

My mom has been my role model in so many ways. Spending time with her reminds me what I have to be thankful for AND what I have to aspire to! I'm newly inspired to put more effort into improving myself, even in the areas I try to brush aside. That's a good way to start the new year!