Interior Peace

Interior peace - something I take for granted so often. The amazing thing is that I've always had it. God has gifted me with a solid foundation of faith - one that has never (and I dare to say, will never) fail. I've been blessed with stability in so many aspects of life - from a loving family environment growing up to financial stability and friends who will help in times of need today. These gifts are so great - some of the best that I've ever received, and yet it's hard to appreciate them. When you rely on something every day, it's hard to imagine not having it.

The intensity of my faith may change over time, but it's always there. This internal calm is also always there, even when I throw so many things on top of it that my head or body can't keep up. If I stop for a second, I still have peace.

There's also a motivation constantly present - to improve, to endure, to look toward the future. I don't give up. There's no way that attitude would be sustainable if it weren't give to me by God. How
wonderful is He!

My whole life and the backbone of my support structure is based in His gift and His presence. I may not have always followed His rules, but even when I was miserable because of my choices, I still threw myself at His feet, knowing His love, comfort, and forgiveness. In times of tears, I've run to the tabernacle and literally threw myself at His feet - that's where I found unconditional love and a presence that does not waver.


God, increase my faith and my awareness of my dependence on You.
Help me to be grateful for the many gifts you bestow on me each day, especially those that I don't even recognize as gifts.
Your ways, oh Lord, are wonderful.
Keep me in Your care, and guide me to make Your will my own.

(Taken from prayer journal, written 9/15/16 during Adoration)

Single, and Loving It

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

I'll be single this Valentine's Day, and for the first time, I'm genuinely happy about it. No, it was not my plan to be on my own 5 years after graduating college. In the life I designed for myself, I was married with a kid or two by now.

God had other plans for me. 

It has taken quite a while to come to terms with where I am today. I've been disappointed time and again when what I really wanted didn't worked out. I worked so hard in school, with late nights to turn in my best work. I always thought my engineering background would be a great segue into motherhood - always new challenges, not much sleep, and new developments to keep up with. But that transition didn't happen. I dated guys and put lots of effort into making things work, when really I wasn't being true to myself. Obviously, those relationships didn't last...and I'm thankful for that.

In these struggles, I was going against what God wanted for me. Over time, I started to accept the fact that I'm not in control - God is. And the more I let go and follow His lead, the happier I become.

As I reflect on my current state in life, I realize that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 

Everything has fallen into place, but in ways I never expected. All I had to do was say yes to the opportunities that came along. My various talents and interests are all being put to use, not as a mother, but as a manager and a friend:

• I'm leading a large, undefined project at work. Five years ago, I would have been intimidated to be in complete control, without someone else showing me which direction to go. Today, it's an exciting challenge - I define my own scope, pull in the resources I need, and set my own timelines. I set my own vision and lead others to carry it out. That engineering background really has put me in a position to make an impact.
• I'm learning about my faith and helping others grow through two Young Adult Groups. I straddle two parishes, so I'm making friends in both. I just started co-leading a weekly women's fellowship group, discussing Archbishop Fulton Sheen's TV series from the '60s - Life is Worth Living. 
• I just danced 4 shows of the Nutcracker in December and am now learning ballroom. My passion for dancing keeps me active and introduces me to some great people I wouldn't have otherwise met. I especially enjoyed sharing my experience and "wisdom" with the high school girls in the Nutcracker. I found out how much I enjoy mentoring younger girls as they figure life out.
• I'm getting to crochet baby blankets, toys, and clothes for all my friends who are having their first babies! This year has been ripe with new life. I once would have been jealous that they have what I want, but now I'm just excited to share in their new phase of life, helping out as I can and learning along the way. I'm putting my crochet skills to great use!

If I had continued striving for my ideal life, I would have missed out on all these things. Taken together, these really define the things I love about life. Each one of them makes me feel more alive.

Despite my best efforts, God has put me exactly where I need to be. So no, I'm not married with kids like I wanted, but I'm more than satisfied with life, and I'm excited for where God leads me next. So God - now it's Your move!


Are there things you're so focused on that you're letting the joys of life slip by?

"Break our hearts for what breaks Yours"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 8/17/12 during Adoration)

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners,
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours

We constantly strive to know and do Your will - we fail, but we keep trying.

There are so many sins in this world, and they should appall us and throw us into more fervent prayer. 

We love all creatures, but we can't tolerate the failings of ourselves or others - we must make amends and ask for forgiveness. 

We must speak out for what we believe and not hide from the pointing fingers and ridicule of society, for we know the Truth, and we know the Truth will lead us to You.

You have given us everything - sacrificing Your own life so that we may be saved from our failings in this world. Move use to challenge ourselves and those around us to accept You and receive the love You are constantly showering upon us.

Help us as we lift each other up to You. Our missions are all different but are directed towards the same goal - to serve You and show Your love to all those around us.

You've given us such an example in Mary, who completely surrendered her will to Yours and underwent so much suffering, yet she never turned away from You. We must direct our lives to the service of Your ends and not waver from the calls You have placed in our hearts.

Help us to still our minds enough to listen to You whispering to us. We find it increasingly difficult as the speed of our lives increases.

We need to remember our reason for being.

A Christmas Prayer

Happy birthday, Jesus!

Dear God,

Thank you for the many blessings you've given me, both those I recognize and those I take for granted.

1. I'm especially grateful in this holiday season for family. My parents drove 16 hours to make it here to celebrate with my brother and me - that's a long drive! I was so excited that they watched me in the Nutcracker yesterday. I danced my best and was radiating joy, knowing they were in the audience.Their love and support through the years hasn't changed, and their dedication to us is humbling.
   

   

   French Twist for the Nutcracker!

2. Thank you for the weather! Although it has been really cold, the timing of snow couldn't have been better. First, the roads were clear Monday for  my parents' drive, despite the big snow storm over the weekend (and the ice last Friday - eek!). It made for an easier trip for them, and also a beautiful, sunny day when they arrived. They were able to see the prettiest part of winter - fresh snow glistening in the sunshine! Second, coming out of mass last night, filled with Christmas joy from the beautiful music and decorations, I was touched that it was snowing again! This is the first White Christmas that I remember, and it's beautiful. Growing up in the South, I would always hope for snow on Christmas, but the closest we ever got was ice. And third, we can enjoy the weather from inside today! We don't have to be anywhere, so we'll settle in to share each others' company, take in the pretty view through the windows, and stay warm!
   

   

   Our winter wonderland

3. Lastly, a wish for all, in honor of Jesus' birth - that the world may know Your love, if not through prayer and personal relationship with you, then through the actions of those around them. May we recognize Your movement through our world and display the joy of Your love to all people, no matter their stage of life, personal beliefs, or life choices. Let us remember the true reason we celebrate today - not the hustle and bustle of buying gifts and preparing for meals and parties, but the silent night that brought our Savior from on high into our world. How wonderful is the love God has poured out upon us! Fill our hearts that we may extend that same love to everyone we meet!

   

   Merry Christmas!