Single, and Loving It

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

I'll be single this Valentine's Day, and for the first time, I'm genuinely happy about it. No, it was not my plan to be on my own 5 years after graduating college. In the life I designed for myself, I was married with a kid or two by now.

God had other plans for me. 

It has taken quite a while to come to terms with where I am today. I've been disappointed time and again when what I really wanted didn't worked out. I worked so hard in school, with late nights to turn in my best work. I always thought my engineering background would be a great segue into motherhood - always new challenges, not much sleep, and new developments to keep up with. But that transition didn't happen. I dated guys and put lots of effort into making things work, when really I wasn't being true to myself. Obviously, those relationships didn't last...and I'm thankful for that.

In these struggles, I was going against what God wanted for me. Over time, I started to accept the fact that I'm not in control - God is. And the more I let go and follow His lead, the happier I become.

As I reflect on my current state in life, I realize that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 

Everything has fallen into place, but in ways I never expected. All I had to do was say yes to the opportunities that came along. My various talents and interests are all being put to use, not as a mother, but as a manager and a friend:

• I'm leading a large, undefined project at work. Five years ago, I would have been intimidated to be in complete control, without someone else showing me which direction to go. Today, it's an exciting challenge - I define my own scope, pull in the resources I need, and set my own timelines. I set my own vision and lead others to carry it out. That engineering background really has put me in a position to make an impact.
• I'm learning about my faith and helping others grow through two Young Adult Groups. I straddle two parishes, so I'm making friends in both. I just started co-leading a weekly women's fellowship group, discussing Archbishop Fulton Sheen's TV series from the '60s - Life is Worth Living. 
• I just danced 4 shows of the Nutcracker in December and am now learning ballroom. My passion for dancing keeps me active and introduces me to some great people I wouldn't have otherwise met. I especially enjoyed sharing my experience and "wisdom" with the high school girls in the Nutcracker. I found out how much I enjoy mentoring younger girls as they figure life out.
• I'm getting to crochet baby blankets, toys, and clothes for all my friends who are having their first babies! This year has been ripe with new life. I once would have been jealous that they have what I want, but now I'm just excited to share in their new phase of life, helping out as I can and learning along the way. I'm putting my crochet skills to great use!

If I had continued striving for my ideal life, I would have missed out on all these things. Taken together, these really define the things I love about life. Each one of them makes me feel more alive.

Despite my best efforts, God has put me exactly where I need to be. So no, I'm not married with kids like I wanted, but I'm more than satisfied with life, and I'm excited for where God leads me next. So God - now it's Your move!


Are there things you're so focused on that you're letting the joys of life slip by?

Candlemas and Nerdiness

Ha! In my apartment, you'd never know that today was Super Bowl Sunday. You WOULD know that we're a little nerdy around here...

Did I mention that I live with my brother? And did I mention that we're both engineers?

While I took ornaments and lights off the Christmas tree, my brother was engrossed in a task too nerdy/fun not to share. But first - Candlemas and the tree.

Candlemas/Presentation of Jesus at the Temple

I went to mass yesterday evening and loved all the extra candles lighting the church! I'm excited that I got to take home a blessed candle that I can use to help my devotion and concentration in prayer and meditation (I'm still doing 20 minutes a day!). Even though the Christmas season officially ended a few weeks ago with the Baptism of Jesus (which actually didn't take place until he was 30 years old), today is really the day we finish talking about Jesus as an infant. Candlemas celebrates the presentation of Jesus in the temple, where two more people recognize that this baby is the one long-awaited.

I was relieved to find out that the Vatican doesn't take down Christmas decorations or their Nativity until today...which lets me rationalize that I haven't procrastinated for TOO long. I'm just following the Pope's lead, right?? Anyway, taking down the tree turns out to be kind of therapeutic, especially when you're spending time with a family member. Once my brother's "project" was complete, he helped out, too.

Ultimate Nerdiness

Have you heard of Buckyballs? They are so much fun!! I'm not talking about the geodesic dome made up of 60 Carbon atoms (although that's pretty cool too...). I'm talking about the little magnetic toys - the ultimate desk toy - that the US government forced into non-existence a year ago. These tiny, very strong magnets were banned due to severe digestive issues if you swallow them - definitely a valid concern when children are around. My engineer mother was quick to buy quite a few sets before the company shut down, which made for fun afternoons at Christmas last year! (My brother and I never have children in the apartment, and we know how dangerous Buckyballs can be, so we'd absolutely get them out of reach before little ones came over.)

Ok...back to today.

Since we were taking down all the Christmas stuff, I thought it would be good to have more St. Valentine's Day decorations to replace them. I saw our colorful assortment of Buckyballs on the counter and asked my brother to make a heart.

He wasn't so thrilled with the idea (you know - boys and hearts and stuff), but he decided to create a companion cube since it has hearts on it and was more-or-less the colors we had. (If your nerdiness, or lack thereof, doesn't cover knowledge of Portal and companion cubes, take a look here for some background.)

And so it began...

Magnets are difficult to work with, and it takes quite a series of steps to get them into the formation you want. On top of that, trying to get the colors in the right place requires lots of visualization and advanced planning. Here was the process:

1. Decide the arrangement of colors for each side of the cube.
2. Determine how to "deconstruct" that final image into lines of Buckyballs all connected together.
3. Put the magnets into a long line.
4. Fold the line back and forth against itself to form a sheet of magnets.
5. Fold the sheet back and forth on top of itself to build up the 3D cube shape.

Here's how it went (excuse the Christmas tablecloth - he started before I had a chance to put it away):

Got the line of Buckyballs...

Folded the line into a sheet...

Folded the sheet into a cube. Ta da!


But we weren't done.

A 5x5x5 cube was great and all, but we actually had 125 of each color to play with, meaning we could make a 7x7x7 cube! This took a lot more planning.

Outlined each row...

Strung the rows together...

Folded the line...

Had a nice sheet!

Folded the sheet. Here the magnets were getting difficult - you can see the bottom row didn't line up correctly. He had to use a card to pry the bottom off without disturbing the rest, then he carefully reattached it and kept going. He had to find something that wasn't a credit card, as the magnets are strong enough to destroy anything magnetically coded!

Finished! And that's the type of projects we engineers do in our spare time. It was fun to work through a complex problem with my like-minded brother. This isn't coming apart for a long time.

Complex Moral Formulas

While pursuing an engineer degree, I took a lot of courses where we derived mathematical formulas. We took simple pieces of information that we knew were true and put them together in a new way that revealed a new fact. Looking at this complicated formula on its own, you couldn't intuitively tell it was true. We only knew for sure because we had just spent half an hour stepping through it logically.

Once we established the formula, we then used it to solve complicated problems. These formulas became the basic building blocks upon which we learned more and more complex information. They helped us to understand the world better and then to take the next step and make the world better, through new inventions, more efficient systems, better designs, and whole new fields of study. This is the role of the engineer: to creatively apply current knowledge to new situations, improving the world as we go.

As we continued in our studies, we took for granted the formulas we were using. We relied on them heavily but didn't give a second thought to their validity. The improvements we were able to make wouldn't have been possible without them, and yet we didn't pay much attention to where they originated.

Aren't the formulas of our faith the same way?

We know what the Church says about lots of moral topics, our formulas or "rules" of our faith. But where did they originate?

Deep thought has been put into each moral area, all originating from simple truths that we can understand. Over centuries, many people have thought through these truths, building upon them to come up with the moral standards that we live by (or know the Church says and yet choose not to live by). Understanding the background and basic facts that go into these teachings help give meaning to the formulas.

For example:

• All human being have dignity and worth.
• Depriving an innocent person of life is a crime against their dignity and worth.
• A new person comes into existence at the time of conception, when they possess a soul and all the genetic material needed to be an individual.

These simple statements were considered together and resulted in the Church's teaching that abortion is wrong. The Church will not waiver because the facts combine logically to give us this formula.

Taking a step back to consider the thought and logic that went into each complex teaching, we can come to understand the formulas better. Once we internalize them, along with their derivation, we can use them with increased appreciation, sharing the Church's truths with more conviction. We will not only understand our faith better, but also make our faith stronger and the world better. We can apply these truths to the situations around us, leaving the world a better place.

We can all be engineers for the Church.