To Love Another

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

What does love really mean? We throw it around casually, saying "love ya!" in a quick text or the end of a phone call; we talk about falling in love and about loving our pets. But what is love at its core?

Jesus says that love is the most important thing we can do. The greatest commandment is to love God, and the second is to love neighbor. What it means is that this should be our most important priority. But really, do we do that day-to-day? How do we go about it?

A friend summarized the importance of other people like this: if you're sitting in front of me but there's a million dollars right next to you, you are infinitely more valuable and worthy of my attention than the money. He made a good point, and it's a thought I come back to as I'm working to prioritize love in my life. Our lives should be devoted to each other, not to possessions or thrills or passions. We were made for relationship, and we need to care enough for each other that nothing pulls our focus away.

Time spent for another is never time wasted.

How many times do you run late and a friend stops you to say hi? How do you respond? If you're like me, it's usually a quick "hey" and you keep walking fast, or maybe even, "I'm running late and can't talk." Really, that's not much better. Isn't a friend more important than walking into a meeting 20 seconds earlier? Even if it's not a friend, loving the person who is reaching out to have an encounter with you means slowing down, looking them in the eye, and giving them the attention they deserve.


What did Mother Teresa tell us?

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

And

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. 

Love does not live on words.
Love is proven in deeds.

Another way we can think about loving others is to follow the words of Luke 6:30:

Give to everyone who asks of you.

I was struck when I read this recently. There are no conditions placed on that statement, and the word "everyone" makes it pretty clear that our neighbor includes every person we encounter. Yet it seems so overwhelming to give that much. It's a verse worth pondering. We can give our time and attention, our prayers, our material possessions, and even our lives for someone else. Jesus gave a great example, it's up to us to follow.

The next time you're distracted during a conversation or running late to a meeting, take a second to notice the person in front of you, and show them even a tiny amount of love. It could brighten their day...and yours!

Dreaming vs. Living

My imagination gets me in trouble.

Don't get me wrong - imagination can be a really great thing. It's good for visualizing scenarios and preparing for presentations, difficult conversations, and dance performances. I also love envisioning stories from Jesus' life in the style of Ignatian contemplation - it really brings to life the people present at the events.

I took a pretty extensive aptitude test in high school. Overall, it served to confirm a lot of things I already suspected about myself - like the fact that I have poor fine-motor control but good spatial skills (great for engineering!). The one thing that surprised me was my high score in idea flow. This test measures how quickly you come up with ideas. Scoring high is good for jobs like sales, journalism, and teaching - things that require you to be quick to adapt and find new ways to approach situations. I didn't realize it then, but I do this naturally - not necessarily for practical purposes, but my mind is always active and travels from one idea to the next, seeing a situation in a new light or creating a made-up scenario to work my way through.

But there are downsides to having an active imagination.

For one, concentration can be difficult. With wheels constantly in motion, it's hard to stop and deeply consider one idea since the next idea is already tumbling along. I find myself daydreaming or coming up with lots of new projects to do (and forgetting half of them).

The biggest problem I run into is using my imagination (consciously or not) to alter reality.

Have you ever had a dream that was so realistic you can't figure out if it was real or not? And then your perception of a real-life person changes because of what they did your dream? This is the unconscious imagination I'm talking about.

In addition, I start daydreaming and create conversations in my head where my friends say exactly what I want to hear. They do things that make me happy or make me feel special. Usually, it's directed towards my own gratification. In a sense, I'm creating my own reality and changing my friends' personalities to suit me.

And that's not good. It sets unrealistic expectations for my real-life friends and disappoints me when they don't live up to my altered view of them. But it's not their problem - it's mine. I'm the one who isn't fully embracing the unique people I encounter for who they are. I'm the one who is expecting something but not telling them what my expectation is, setting myself up for disappointment. I'm the one trying to change them.

So for Lent, I think I'll give up daydreaming. I'm still fleshing out the idea, but this seems like a long-time habit of mine that isn't doing me good. With God's help, I hope to emerge from Lent able to more fully embrace those around me - not because of what they can do for me or what I can imagine them doing, but because each one is unique and unrepeatable (to use JPII's words). It'll be a hard journey but one that will lead to a deeper appreciation for and connection to the people God has created.

1st Blogiversary!

Today marks one full year of my blog - woo hoo! To commemorate my small victory, I wanted to take some time to reflect on what I've learned through blogging my faith.

1. Blogging is hard work!
   You read these eloquently-worded posts that seem effortless, but there's really a lot that goes into it. I sometimes feel like I'm watching someone toting her baby while wearing heels with perfect makeup who brings homemade baked goods to every gathering...while I merely show up with my hair in a ponytail, sporting a sweatshirt. Blogging may come easier to some than others, but it's still a lot of work (and comparing to others isn't good). It takes time to determine an idea for a post, then put that thought into coherent sentences, find images to support it, and proofread for content. I do get to use my programming background to do a little more advanced formatting - see, parents, that education isn't going to waste! For me, a post ends up taking about two hours to create.


2. I've come to know myself and my faith better.
   Since blogging makes me encounter what's going on in my head and translate it into words, I've been able to understand where I am and where I want to be. I absolutely love spending late nights talking to friends for exactly this reason (as well as to get to know the friend better) - as I've gotten older and started sleeping more regularly, I've transitioned into other ways of pouring out my heart and learning about others. My blog has been one outlet, and I'm always excited when a friend, new or old, comments on a post or talks to me in person/e-mail/text about their thoughts on what I've written. Together we'll keep growing into better people.


3. I'm more open in sharing my faith.
   It made me laugh the other day - a friend I've known for about a year now was surprised when I told her my blog was forcing me to be more vocal about what I believe. Since we've been in a Catholic women's group together for a while, she is used to hearing me talk about my faith. I haven't always been comfortable with it though. Growing up, we didn't discuss matters of faith - we went to mass each Sunday and said a blessing before family dinners, but that was it. The first time I led a Bible study in college, I was so nervous to be in charge of the opening prayer! It was really tough to open up, and it's still something I'm working on. Writing posts makes me uncomfortable, too, but that's a good thing!


4. I tie things back to the big picture more, resulting in a more meaningful year.
   As I'm going through my day, I think a lot about what I'm encountering in terms of how I would write about it. This keeps things in perspective, makes me focus on God, and gives me a sense of how my mindset has changed over time. In management, one mantra I've heard is, "If it can't be measured, it can't be improved." By taking snapshots of where I am, I'm able to look back and somewhat quantify my spiritual growth. There have been substantial changes since I started this blog. I'm happy with who I've become this year, but I know there's a lot of growth ahead!

It has been a really good year for me spiritually, and as I review my original purpose in writing, I'm renewing that same objective as I move forward. I'm excited to see where God takes my life!


I'll leave you with a few of my modest stats as my own benchmark of where I am. Numbers aren't really my purpose - it's the quality of the interaction that matters to me, but here they are anyway.

• 920 total pageviews (it may break 1000 this month!)
• 34 published posts
• 4 followers (6 months ago there was 1)
• 6 e-mail subscribers (6 months ago there was 1)
• 252 pageviews already for February (highest month by far)
• 35 views of my top post - Single, and Loving It (6 months ago it was 12 for Aggie Catholics)

I look forward to more great interactions, both online and off. With that, taken from Archbishop Fulton Sheen...

Bye now! God love you!

Date Night with St. Therese

I promised St. Therese that tonight would be our catch-up night. I've almost finished her book, The Story of a Soul, but I haven't made progress in the past two weeks. I keep getting pulled away to do other things, so the book has been sitting all alone on my bedside table, in my purse, and on the front seat of my car as I rush off to work, church events, dinner, ballroom class, and bed! I take it with me in case I get a free moment, but apparently the past two weeks have flown by.

That's what happens with friends, too, right? We get caught up in the busy-ness of life, and we don't take a second to call a friend, schedule a coffee date, or just send a text to say hi.

But tonight, I'm setting aside cooking dinner, putting away the Christmas tree (yes, yes, I know I'm very behind!), and finishing a crochet project to spend time with someone I'm privileged to know. She has been a great inspiration to me over the past three months as I've read her story and watched and re-watched the 2004 movie about her life.

St. Therese statue in France

St. Therese is such a beautiful person - so sincere and so deeply committed to Jesus. I highly recommend reading The Story of a Soul! You can even find the full text for free online - http://www.storyofasoul.com/. Unlike similar books that I've read, hers is easy to follow and doesn't require re-reading paragraphs to fully comprehend what she's saying. Her writing is simple yet moving.

I'll leave you with a quote that I held onto the other day. Then, I'm blocking off my time to catch up with St. Therese!

Oh! I feel more than ever that Jesus is thirsty. He meets only ungrateful and indifferent people among the disciples of the world, and among His own disciples, He finds, alas! few hearts that give themselves to Him without reserve, who understand all the tenderness of His infinite Love.

21 Spiritual Retreat Questions

Happy New Year!

Happy Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God!

I had a beautifully different New Years this year. Instead of parties with friends, fun drinks, and a TV turned to (the rerun of) the ball dropping in Times Square, I spent the night at a Marian Shrine with a friend. We went to Adoration at 11PM, then participated in mass at midnight. The rest of the day we engaged in prayer and conversation.

Like I said - beautiful. We each wanted to spend some time away for different reasons. Although it wasn't my intention, I'm beginning the new year with a plenary indulgence! How's that for starting out on the right foot?!

In our conversations, my friend and I made a list of retreat-type questions that we thought would fuel good thought and prayer. After completing the list and reflecting on it, we both picked out the question that was hardest for us to answer and focused on that area throughout our "mini-retreat". I feel it was spiritually fruitful for both of us!

Without further ado...here's the list of 21 questions! Use them for your own mini-retreat, even if that just means hiding in a quiet space in your home for a few minutes.

1. What was the highlight of 2013? What word will define your 2014?
2. What would God view as your biggest accomplishment?
3. What's the key area you want to improve in your life? What proactive steps can you take towards it?
4. What are you grateful for?
5. Who are you grateful for? Have you told them?
6. What topic are you avoiding talking about with God?
7. Who has influenced you in your faith? Who are you influencing?
8. Who is your role model in faith? How can you be more like him/her?
9. When is it easy to trust God? When is it more difficult?
10. How does God want you to improve your prayer life?
11. How do you maintain active participation in mass?
12. What's your biggest hurdle to loving God? How can you start to overcome it?
13. Would others say your actions are an extension of God's love?
14. Do you turn to prayer in times of desolation AND consolation?
15. How can you grow closer to God this year? (ie. focus on increasing your faith, hope, or love?)
16. Loving and serving God comes only after knowing Him. How can you deepen your understanding of God?
17. Who can you purposefully be Christ for? How?
18. What visible reminders do you have of your faith?
19. "He is always with you, be always with Him." How?
20. How do you show mercy?
21. What are your top three priorities? Do you spend your time accordingly?

St. Thérèse of Lisieux (who is making her way into my life), pray for us!

Management to Motherhood: Introduction

Ultimately, I feel I am called to motherhood, but I'm still a long way from it! I've always been ambitious and ready to move on to the next stage of life: in sixth grade, I was ready for high school; junior year of high school, I was ready for college; junior year of college, I was ready to be married. I'm not sure I was actually ready, but I had a strong desire to leave behind the current situation and embark on a new journey with new challenges.

My past ambitions have just required more time before they inevitably happened, but that marriage thing still eludes me. Instead (out of necessity and a refusal to be supported by my parents who had already done so much for me) I got a job and have shifted my ambitions towards something I can more directly control: my career.

Although I never really wanted to be a working woman, it does have its benefits:

1. I get to use the problem-solving skills from my years of schooling. My parents paid lots of money (and I ended up with lots of debt) to give me a top-notch education. Without an outlet to employ those skills (ha! literally), all the years, hard work, and expenses wouldn't amount to much.
2. I contribute to the greater good of society. It's satisfying to see my effort pay off in improving the efficiencies of my team and my company as well as contributing to the success, happiness, and relationship of the clients with whom I directly interact. I never intended to impact an organization, as the contribution I've wanted to make was along the lines of raising kids who would improve the world, but it has been a fulfilling detour.
3. I get paid! Having a paycheck every month and job security in a growing industry gives me the freedom to live comfortably and without worry. I paid back the above-mentioned debt (something I considered my responsibility and not that of my future husband). My thoughts have turned towards questions like, "Which causes do I want to support?", "How do I effectively tithe?", "How much do I put away for retirement?", "What can I do for my friends?", and "What trips/adventures are up next?". (If  you have thoughts on any of these, send them my way!)
4. I bill my university for the work I do now. (This is a small satisfaction, but a satisfaction none-the-less.) One of my clients is my alma mater, so each month they get an invoice for my help. After spending so much money going to school there, I enjoy seeing them contribute to my salary now, even though I live a thousand miles away. We may just come out even one day! (Side note: I really enjoyed my time in school and am appreciative of all the learning and opportunities while I was there. I don't have a vendetta of any sort. From a purely financial standpoint, it was just a lot of money!)
5. I get to travel the country for free. Business trips take me to many locations: some exciting, others mundane. My favorite series of trips was to Hawaii, Alaska, and Las Vegas within a three-month period. I have seen cultural stereotypes first-hand (a fun experience for me) and have gotten a chance to catch up with friends scattered across the states. Most recently, trips to New York and DC have included work-free weekends spent in the company of holy women who I am honored to call my close friends. Work travel gives me an excuse to visit friends I otherwise may not have the time to see.
6. I learn new things all the time. Through my interactions with smart and knowledgeable people, I've encountered so many new concepts that have challenged me to become a better professional, a better person, and a better world-citizen. I've taken an interest in various business topics, have read numerous books and articles on wide-ranging subjects, and have analyzed how others' experiences could improve my immediate surroundings.
7. Management prepares me for motherhood (or so I hope). I manage five employees, who I think of as my "kids". They all came straight out of college, so I do a lot of initial expectation-setting in the working world. I help set their direction, find their passion, build their discipline, and put them on a path to make good decisions, much as I see mothers do for their own children. Management has its ups and downs, as I am passionate about mentoring others to grow them into their best selves and I also feel their pain as they struggle. There are great rewards when I can sit back and watch what they accomplish on their own after working closely with them over a year or two.

This last benefit, which I'm calling the concept of "Management to Motherhood", is the part of my career that I want to analyze, share, hear thoughts from others, and remember later in life. I've always heard you're never really ready to be a mother, but I'm going to do what I can to prepare myself through today's lessons. To that end, I'll be writing new posts about my adventures with team members and analyzing how they relate to motherhood. Ideally, I'd have a separate thread of these posts, but I haven't figured out how to separate/catalog them without creating a whole new blog. If you have ideas, let me know!

In the spirit of sharing insight, I found this blog post to be a positive influence on my outlook for the "not-yet married" life. Enjoy! Single, Satisfied, and Sent: Mission for the Not-Yet Married

"In the Light"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 2/8/10 during Adoration)

All I want is to be in the light.

I want to feel exposed to God - bearing everything to Him, allowing Him to know me completely (because He does anyway). I don't want to feel I can hide anything, because I can't. God sees all and knows all. My heart is an open book, and if I can accept that, I can listen to His response - His love for me no matter what and His whisperings of what I should be doing and who I should become. Only by accepting His omniscience and His unconditional love can I then feel His peace in my life.

By making friends whose goals are the same as mine, I am hoping to be pushed into this more. By going to a Bible study and actively participating in discussions, I am bringing my faith back to the forefront of my thoughts - which will in tern translate to actions.

I want this - I want You, God. Guide me, strengthen me, chastise me, love me, be patient with me. I will continue to follow, listen, and accept my exposure.

Corn maze

"Holiness is what I long for"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 1/25/10 during Adoration)

Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom

These words keep repeating over and over in my head. The phrase/plea captures the unworthiness of self and the reliance on God's mercy. The other phrase/lyrics that keeps running through my head is

Holiness is what I long for; holiness is what I need.
Holiness is what You want from me.

We are called to become perfect like Christ, even though we will never attain perfection. Although this should seem hopeless and disheartening, to know that others have been striving for the same thing, succeeding as much as humanly possible, and providing an example to follow is invigorating. If the saints could do it, why can't I?

This could mean changing a lot in my daily life, but what do I lose by it? Maybe some "fun" times with friends, but that is only momentary and not usually fulfilling. To know my friends better and help them out when they are struggling would provide so  much more joy than enjoying an evening where my heart tells me I'm not being me.

I want to know You and see You in the face of others. I cannot be perfect, but I can desperately try to become like You every minute of the day. At one point I began writing down things I had done for others each day, and I hope I can do that again. It gave me such a sense of peace to know I could touch someone else and make his/her day a little brighter.

I need to love without restraint, without regard to consequences or pain; to accept others and love them as they are, for who God made them to be. Their flaws were intentional. If God loves them anyway, why can't I? God, surround me with people who will help me on my journey, who will be supportive yet resolute, and who will hold me accountable.

Sadly, I can't always push myself, but that's why this journey was not meant to be taken alone. Without a community, faith struggles and new ideas are difficult to come by. On the other hand, blindly listening to a group can also be a hindrance to faith. Differing opinions are essential to a healthy and growing faith. I want to be like the phrase I have heard before:

Be in the world but not of the world.

I want to relate to all people, regardless of background, religious practice, or values. It may be difficult to accept these things, but I will continue to strive for it. The saints are such a source of inspiration, and I should read more about their works and lives.

Jesus, make me Your Hands - doing Your work in the world. Help me to find peace and share it with those around me every day, taking the time to reflect and recenter so I can continue going on whatever path You have set out for me. Your will be done.