I'll be single this Valentine's Day, and for the first time, I'm genuinely happy about it. No, it was not my plan to be on my own 5 years after graduating college. In the life I designed for myself, I was married with a kid or two by now.
God had other plans for me.
It has taken quite a while to come to terms with where I am today. I've been disappointed time and again when what I really wanted didn't worked out. I worked so hard in school, with late nights to turn in my best work. I always thought my engineering background would be a great segue into motherhood - always new challenges, not much sleep, and new developments to keep up with. But that transition didn't happen. I dated guys and put lots of effort into making things work, when really I wasn't being true to myself. Obviously, those relationships didn't last...and I'm thankful for that.
In these struggles, I was going against what God wanted for me. Over time, I started to accept the fact that I'm not in control - God is. And the more I let go and follow His lead, the happier I become.
In these struggles, I was going against what God wanted for me. Over time, I started to accept the fact that I'm not in control - God is. And the more I let go and follow His lead, the happier I become.
As I reflect on my current state in life, I realize that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Everything has fallen into place, but in ways I never expected. All I had to do was say yes to the opportunities that came along. My various talents and interests are all being put to use, not as a mother, but as a manager and a friend:
- I'm leading a large, undefined project at work. Five years ago, I would have been intimidated to be in complete control, without someone else showing me which direction to go. Today, it's an exciting challenge - I define my own scope, pull in the resources I need, and set my own timelines. I set my own vision and lead others to carry it out. That engineering background really has put me in a position to make an impact.
- I'm learning about my faith and helping others grow through two Young Adult Groups. I straddle two parishes, so I'm making friends in both. I just started co-leading a weekly women's fellowship group, discussing Archbishop Fulton Sheen's TV series from the '60s - Life is Worth Living.
- I just danced 4 shows of the Nutcracker in December and am now learning ballroom. My passion for dancing keeps me active and introduces me to some great people I wouldn't have otherwise met. I especially enjoyed sharing my experience and "wisdom" with the high school girls in the Nutcracker. I found out how much I enjoy mentoring younger girls as they figure life out.
- I'm getting to crochet baby blankets, toys, and clothes for all my friends who are having their first babies! This year has been ripe with new life. I once would have been jealous that they have what I want, but now I'm just excited to share in their new phase of life, helping out as I can and learning along the way. I'm putting my crochet skills to great use!
If I had continued striving for my ideal life, I would have missed out on all these things. Taken together, these really define the things I love about life. Each one of them makes me feel more alive.
Despite my best efforts, God has put me exactly where I need to be. So no, I'm not married with kids like I wanted, but I'm more than satisfied with life, and I'm excited for where God leads me next. So God - now it's Your move!
Are there things you're so focused on that you're letting the joys of life slip by?
Despite my best efforts, God has put me exactly where I need to be. So no, I'm not married with kids like I wanted, but I'm more than satisfied with life, and I'm excited for where God leads me next. So God - now it's Your move!
Are there things you're so focused on that you're letting the joys of life slip by?
Laura, it sounds like your life is filled with beautiful things---God, dance, work, fellowship, giving. Thanks for sharing this verse (it's a favorite) & for visiting me at Doorkeeper. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Renee!
DeleteSuch a beautiful attitude!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Laura!
DeleteWhat a blessing that you're being encouraged in the Lord even though life isn't looking how you wanted! Thanks for linking up with the Faith and Fellowship blog hop!
ReplyDeleteloved this post so much!!! i can definitely see how God is working through your life just by the way you write about it! :)
ReplyDeletei had my whole life planned out too & God had other plans. like.... i didn't go to college when i was 18 but rather 21... so i was 24 before i graduated college. but i love the things God has done in my life in the meantime... and it really is worth it to wait on His timing :)
Absolutely! Thanks for your kind words. I really think God has a great sense of humor and is almost like a mad scientist - He knows exactly what He's doing, but no one else understands.
DeleteI love this post. When this year began and some part of last year as well, God began challenging me with letting go of my "ideal life" which was married, kids, a great career, a business of my own" and clinging to His plan and walking with Him instead of ahead of Him. At first it was disappointing as I watched many plans I had unravel, but I've learnt to rest in His plans and to trust Him completely.
ReplyDelete