As we begin the beautiful season of Lent, I found a song that encapsulates the sentiment of the next 40 days. It gets back to the heart of why we give up things, reach out to others, break our habits, and push ourselves to live more simply and with more focus on Christ.
This song keeps running through my head and reminding me of the need to be purified, constantly repurposing my life back to God's will.
I hope you find the song as moving as I do!
Holy Fire burn away
My desire for anything
That is not of You
And is of me
I want more of You
And less of me
If we are the body,
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
Jesus, help us to be You to the world. Help us to show others Your love through our actions, pouring out unconditional acceptance and offering assistance.
We have a tendency to stick to our own and look down upon others who don't share our views. Break us of the habit. We like to help when we receive recognition or know we will be paid back. Give us hearts that love without expecting anything in return. Our actions and words are what draw others to You or push them away. Remind us to speak kindly and act sincerely.
We fail daily to follow Your example. Forgive us. We're part of a huge body of believers - those on earth and those who have gone before us. Join our prayer with those faithful departed, as they continue to help us out. Saints, named and unnamed, thank you for your example and your intercession. You have shown us a multitude of ways to be Jesus to others.
What more can we do? Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, set in our hearts a desire to follow Your example. Pull us towards our calling, that we may complete the personalized work that You want from us. No one else can fulfill the role You have called us to - make clear to us what that role is and guide us as we pursue it each day.
Keep our hearts fixed on You - Your teaching, Your love, Your suffering, and Your defeat over darkness. You are our perfect role model, and we must strive to emulate the way You lived. Give us empathy, strength, wisdom, and courage to live lives radically altered by our knowledge of You.
This is my nightly prayer. Kneeling beside my bed each night, I take a deep breath and close my eyes; I reflect on the day - both my joys and failings, gratitude and contrition; I recite my 5 affirmations mantra, "I love You, I adore You, I worship You, I thank You, I implore You"; I ask for the saints' intercession (a multitude of saints for a multitude of intentions!); and I say a prayer to my guardian angel...Then I end with these words:
Holy Spirit, move through me and teach me to love.
It's that one, simple phrase that resonates with my soul.
At different points along life's journey, we shift focus and need different things. Maybe it's Jesus' mercy, or the Father's protection, or the Holy Spirit's guidance. Maybe it's just love or comfort.
A year ago, my "resonance prayer" was God be with me. I needed His presence, in any form. Generally I addressed the Father, but I wasn't too picky. I didn't really know where to turn, but I knew I wanted Him there, surrounding me and strengthening me, drawing me in even when I wasn't willing to come closer.
Slowly, my focus changed. I no longer need assurance of His presence; I knew He wouldn't leave me. (Thank you, St. Therese, for showing me just what that means!) But knowing that He's here isn't enough. I'm shifting focus outward. Now I want to do something. I want to be an extension of God's love, giving existence to the desires God has for His world. And that can only come through a love of God and an openness to the workings of the Holy Spirit, whispering from deep within.
Twice in the past couple months, I heard something I don't think anyone has said to me before. First a nun and then a priest, after listening to me talk about my faith, said they saw God moving in me. What an awesome thing to hear! The Holy Spirit is moving...I can feel it, and it's great to know others see it too. I want everyone to see that, to see the love God gives me, in my interactions with every person I meet. I want others to know what that movement feels like! It starts with a prayer. So I continue to ask...
Holy Spirit, move through me and teach me to love.
Hillsong's "God is Moving"
(I like a different version better, but I can't find it on YouTube!)
(Taken from prayer journal, written 8/17/12 during Adoration)
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners,
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours
We constantly strive to know and do Your will - we fail, but we keep trying.
There are so many sins in this world, and they should appall us and throw us into more fervent prayer.
We love all creatures, but we can't tolerate the failings of ourselves or others - we must make amends and ask for forgiveness.
We must speak out for what we believe and not hide from the pointing fingers and ridicule of society, for we know the Truth, and we know the Truth will lead us to You.
You have given us everything - sacrificing Your own life so that we may be saved from our failings in this world. Move use to challenge ourselves and those around us to accept You and receive the love You are constantly showering upon us.
Help us as we lift each other up to You. Our missions are all different but are directed towards the same goal - to serve You and show Your love to all those around us.
You've given us such an example in Mary, who completely surrendered her will to Yours and underwent so much suffering, yet she never turned away from You. We must direct our lives to the service of Your ends and not waver from the calls You have placed in our hearts.
Help us to still our minds enough to listen to You whispering to us. We find it increasingly difficult as the speed of our lives increases.
Lord of all creation
Of water, earth, and sky
The heavens are Your tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high
You're above every thought I could ever have. The immensity of the world and what You have created is astounding. I can never comprehend how You had (and have) so much love for us that You created all this.
You have given me so many blessings that I have a hard time realizing and appreciating - family, friends, talents, Your love and guidance, amazing opportunities to learn and work, and other gifts that can be used for Your will. Help me to realize how blessed I am and give back to You. I could never adequately repay You for the sacrifice and love You have given for me, but with each day, I hope to know You better so I can better align my will with Yours so that the gifts You have given me are used for the purposes You intended. Help me find the path; light my way, that I may cease to stumble in the dark. Show me my failings so I may admit them and reject them.
You made all things, yet You have enough to love to share with all. Give me the strength to love as You love, and to accept Your love. I can't believe Your care for me and the willingness with which You welcome me into Your arms. Continue to shower me with love, that I may come to understand and accept the reality of Your constant presence and unconditional love. God, I love you and ask that You be patient with me as I attempt to listen and follow you. I have no doubt that You are truly present; help me to recognize what that means and act accordingly.
Bless me, shower down Your love on me, and correct my ways, that I may fulfill the goals You have put me here to accomplish. I love You, I adore You, I worship You, I thank You, and I implore you - give me the grace to live the life You have given me to the fullest, ever aware of Your presence and allowing Your love to radiate through me.
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
It's so difficult to understand unconditional love when I don't think about it nearly enough. It's just a catchphrase until I sit still and actually consider what it means.
Maybe I don't recognize it even when I see it in the world - it makes me reconsider my priorities, which is uncomfortable when I'm around other people. I want to feel the reality of God's love, not just for me, but through me to others. I want to see people as God sees them - as beautiful creations with human dignity that entitles them to respect, love, and the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is so different, and we were created individually as we are.
I also need to love myself - not in a selfish way, but as a fallible human who also has dignity and deserves respect. In accepting myself and struggling with my weaknesses, I can better love others by being open to their world, not being absorbed in my own. It will take time sitting quietly to understand myself enough.
This is the feast of victory for our God
Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia
A few weeks ago, I attended a talk on the battle that's raging in our world - not the battles in the Middle East or in political circles, but the battle for souls. The priest related our task on earth to that of soldiers on a battlefield, fighting for life and pulling our fallen friends back to safety, building up an army for good and for God. There's no doubt in my mind that we're in the midst of a struggle and that we need to have courage to fight against evil. Although I agreed with the points he was making (and he had pretty powerful examples), I wasn't moved to action, so I spent a lot of time analyzing why not.
What I decided is that beauty is a much more powerful image to me than battle. I long for beauty and take comfort in finding it, whereas I shy away from confrontation. In a battle, I would be the nurse taking care of the soldiers, not one of the infantry. My mission is to take care of those around me and win over others through compassion and rational dialogue, which, in a sense, is still fighting the battle.
Another priest gave a homily the other day on his time in the Middle East as an air force chaplain. Each morning he spent time sitting on a picnic table, staring at the beautiful mountains in the distance. An officer walked by many mornings and one day stopped to ask what he was doing. The officer started sitting with him each morning in silence, staring at the mountains. To me that was a great reminder that even amidst war, there is still beauty, and we need to take time to recognize and appreciate it.
Jesus' death was a terrible event in history. He battled not just pain from scourgings, thorns, and nails, but also from scorn, abandonment, and despair. He was alone fighting for what was true, pouring out His blood for the souls of those who killed Him. What passion, what love! The road to the cross was painful and difficult, but it was beautiful, just as it's beautiful when a mother sacrifices sleep to sooth her baby, night after night, without complaint or recognition for her dedication.
Jesus fought the war against death and won. What a victory that is for the whole world - not just for one nation or one people, but for all. We're on the winning side. Although we know the outcome of the war, battles are still raging all around. On this Easter day, with the hymn "This is the Feast of Victory" still ringing in my ears from mass, the battle is real. The hymn has such power behind it with an organ and a whole congregation proclaiming Jesus' triumph over death. This is what we believe, and we're witnesses in the way we live our lives. Beauty and battle both have a role in the world today, as they did on the cross. How are we contributing?
Step by step, You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days
I got to attend a parish mission talk tonight, the end of a three-day event. There were lots of good points made, but the one that really stuck with me didn't have much to do with the speaker's main objective. His topic was tithing, wealth, and giving, and I took a lot from his comments on the culture's lack of giving and how debt keeps us from giving.
What got me thinking was a small comment he made, about taking one step at a time towards God. I have such grand plans in my head for what will become of my life in the future, but right now I don't have the means to get there. I keep waiting until barriers are removed so I can finally start living for a purpose.
What I forget, though, is that life happens now. My plans may never work out, even if I feel they are my calling and purpose. What I'm doing now is who I am in God's eyes and in the eyes of those around me. I can't wait until the stars align - I've gotta live today and become the person I was meant to be, even if I can't fulfill the purpose that is on my heart.
So no more waiting. It's time to take one step at a time, not worrying about how each step furthers my "purpose" but keeping in mind how they will bring me closer to God and to who He wants me to be. I know those steps will lead me where I'm supposed to be, and really, following that path will ultimately lead to a deeper joy than I could have imagined for myself.
A quote from tonight that made me smile was
God loves you just the way you are...and He loves you too much to let you stay that way.
There's always more to do in our quest towards heaven. God keeps talking to us and pushing us; we just have to give in and follow along.
Good luck with your steps! Keep in mind: the view from the top has got to be spectacular, but you can only get there one step at a time.
Bell tower climb at Holy Hill - Hubertus, Wisconsin
(Taken from prayer journal, written 2/8/10 during Adoration)
All I want is to be in the light.
I want to feel exposed to God - bearing everything to Him, allowing Him to know me completely (because He does anyway). I don't want to feel I can hide anything, because I can't. God sees all and knows all. My heart is an open book, and if I can accept that, I can listen to His response - His love for me no matter what and His whisperings of what I should be doing and who I should become. Only by accepting His omniscience and His unconditional love can I then feel His peace in my life.
By making friends whose goals are the same as mine, I am hoping to be pushed into this more. By going to a Bible study and actively participating in discussions, I am bringing my faith back to the forefront of my thoughts - which will in tern translate to actions.
I want this - I want You, God. Guide me, strengthen me, chastise me, love me, be patient with me. I will continue to follow, listen, and accept my exposure.
(Taken from prayer journal, written 1/25/10 during Adoration)
Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom
These words keep repeating over and over in my head. The phrase/plea captures the unworthiness of self and the reliance on God's mercy. The other phrase/lyrics that keeps running through my head is
Holiness is what I long for; holiness is what I need.
Holiness is what You want from me.
We are called to become perfect like Christ, even though we will never attain perfection. Although this should seem hopeless and disheartening, to know that others have been striving for the same thing, succeeding as much as humanly possible, and providing an example to follow is invigorating. If the saints could do it, why can't I?
This could mean changing a lot in my daily life, but what do I lose by it? Maybe some "fun" times with friends, but that is only momentary and not usually fulfilling. To know my friends better and help them out when they are struggling would provide so much more joy than enjoying an evening where my heart tells me I'm not being me.
I want to know You and see You in the face of others. I cannot be perfect, but I can desperately try to become like You every minute of the day. At one point I began writing down things I had done for others each day, and I hope I can do that again. It gave me such a sense of peace to know I could touch someone else and make his/her day a little brighter.
I need to love without restraint, without regard to consequences or pain; to accept others and love them as they are, for who God made them to be. Their flaws were intentional. If God loves them anyway, why can't I? God, surround me with people who will help me on my journey, who will be supportive yet resolute, and who will hold me accountable.
Sadly, I can't always push myself, but that's why this journey was not meant to be taken alone. Without a community, faith struggles and new ideas are difficult to come by. On the other hand, blindly listening to a group can also be a hindrance to faith. Differing opinions are essential to a healthy and growing faith. I want to be like the phrase I have heard before:
Be in the world but not of the world.
I want to relate to all people, regardless of background, religious practice, or values. It may be difficult to accept these things, but I will continue to strive for it. The saints are such a source of inspiration, and I should read more about their works and lives.
Jesus, make me Your Hands - doing Your work in the world. Help me to find peace and share it with those around me every day, taking the time to reflect and recenter so I can continue going on whatever path You have set out for me. Your will be done.
Music speaks to me. I've always been around music and always have some tune in the back of my mind. I even chose St. Cecilia, the patron saint of musicians, as my confirmation saint in 8th grade. An extensive aptitude test that I took in high school told me I need to have music in my life, whether as a hobby or a profession. Since my main hobby is dance (and I actually dance for work on occasion), that's not too difficult. :)
Dance has been my passion since I was 10 years old...well probably longer, as I have evidence of my balletic tendencies in a picture from 2nd grade. Sometimes I've just gotta dance (like Gene Kelly exclaims in Singin' in the Rain). Every once in a while I'll put on Pandora and just let myself move through the space, to express whatever it is my heart decides. There's such freedom in movement without objective or structure, feeling the rhythm of the song and responding to it naturally. It's when I become fully me, fully alive. I relish those moments, and they energize me to take initiative or persevere through trials.
I get the same feeling from singing hymns or Praise & Worship music, not all the time, but when I'm truly present and conscious of the words I'm singing. I smile at St. Augustine's quote:
Those who sing pray twice.
I believe it. Praying through song not only lifts your thoughts to God; it also lifts your voice to Him. There are so many different hymns and Christian songs out there, and I've always found one that resonates with my feelings-of-the-moment, whatever those happen to be.
Songs can move me to tears, like Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella". Every time.
Other songs pull at my heart each time I hear them. The two that always touch me, no matter where I am in life, are Casting Crown's "Who Am I" and Jeremy Camp's "Walk By Faith".
I will forever be Dad's little girl, so "Cinderella" reminds me of how I've grown up with his constant love and support, no matter how busy our lives have become or how far away from home I've moved.
The other two songs are so powerful because they get back to the core of life and faith. They give me that sense of freedom like dancing around my living room. They speak to my heart and my very being. If everything else goes wrong, those are still solid: belonging to God and walking in faith.
At least three other songs have popped into my head and branched into separate streams of thought while I've been writing this, but I'll save the details for another day. I don't want my writing to be a jumbled mess like my mind can be. Because songs evoke such strong emotional reactions and complex thoughts from me, I draw inspiration from them. That's why most of my prayer journal is based on song lyrics; I'll have something in my head and need to express what it says to me.
All of this is just a long-winded way of saying two things: that I chose to base my blog title on St. Augustine's quote because of my attachment to music, and that most of my posts will probably be named after the lyrics of a song and will contain the thoughts sparked by those songs repeating themselves in my head.
