"Holiness is what I long for"

(Taken from prayer journal, written 1/25/10 during Adoration)

Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom

These words keep repeating over and over in my head. The phrase/plea captures the unworthiness of self and the reliance on God's mercy. The other phrase/lyrics that keeps running through my head is

Holiness is what I long for; holiness is what I need.
Holiness is what You want from me.

We are called to become perfect like Christ, even though we will never attain perfection. Although this should seem hopeless and disheartening, to know that others have been striving for the same thing, succeeding as much as humanly possible, and providing an example to follow is invigorating. If the saints could do it, why can't I?

This could mean changing a lot in my daily life, but what do I lose by it? Maybe some "fun" times with friends, but that is only momentary and not usually fulfilling. To know my friends better and help them out when they are struggling would provide so  much more joy than enjoying an evening where my heart tells me I'm not being me.

I want to know You and see You in the face of others. I cannot be perfect, but I can desperately try to become like You every minute of the day. At one point I began writing down things I had done for others each day, and I hope I can do that again. It gave me such a sense of peace to know I could touch someone else and make his/her day a little brighter.

I need to love without restraint, without regard to consequences or pain; to accept others and love them as they are, for who God made them to be. Their flaws were intentional. If God loves them anyway, why can't I? God, surround me with people who will help me on my journey, who will be supportive yet resolute, and who will hold me accountable.

Sadly, I can't always push myself, but that's why this journey was not meant to be taken alone. Without a community, faith struggles and new ideas are difficult to come by. On the other hand, blindly listening to a group can also be a hindrance to faith. Differing opinions are essential to a healthy and growing faith. I want to be like the phrase I have heard before:

Be in the world but not of the world.

I want to relate to all people, regardless of background, religious practice, or values. It may be difficult to accept these things, but I will continue to strive for it. The saints are such a source of inspiration, and I should read more about their works and lives.

Jesus, make me Your Hands - doing Your work in the world. Help me to find peace and share it with those around me every day, taking the time to reflect and recenter so I can continue going on whatever path You have set out for me. Your will be done.